Wednesday, April 29, 2009

The First Daughters first 100-Day Report Card.

The rest of the mainstream media is busy grading Obama’s first 100 days, a meaningless and arbitrary milestone, and CNN is digging deeper by grading how Michelle Obama has done in her first 100 days as first lady. (Hint: she started out as the hottest first lady in recent history and hasn’t gotten harder on the eyes in the last 100 days). It’s necessary for me to dig even deeper into the trivialness of this totally unimportant day. I will grade the first daughters on how good a job they have done in their first 100 days.


This is the most important duty of the first family and Malia and Sasha have raised the bar. I truly believe that if Bin Laden gets CNN in his cave when pictures of those two come on, even he has to stop admire their cuteness. I believe his words must be something like “Death to Amer- Awe they are so adorable, What was I saying?”

I give them an A+ (It would be more but that is the top of the scale.)


They have done an excellent job of keeping the media informed, I remember that for the first few weeks of school CNN reported every day what they were having for lunch at school.

I give them an A+

Getting Daddy to make the house kid friendly.

An important job of every kid is to get their dad to make the new house kid friendly. They got their dad to take time out from guiding the nation out of the second Great Depression, dealing with two Wars, negotiating a path to relations with Cuba after 40+ years of saber rattling on both sides. A few hundred other things in order to get them a swing set. Good Job.

I give them an A+

Making “The Cool Mom”

Sure she’s first lady and on the cover of thousands of magazines, but to Malia and Sasha’s classmates she’s just another mom. In order for her to be “The Cool Mom” she has to do something fun with the class.

Michelle started a vegetable garden with the help of the class. That’s a fun project that has to earn some points with the classmates.

I give them an A+

The first Dog.

They were promised a puppy if daddy became President and it took him months to pick one out. Sure he was dealing with saving the nation from the second great depression, two wars, pirates, ect. But dads always have an excuse to put something off, it’s the girls job to make sure he follows through. Although when they finally got one it was damn cute.

I give them a B

Overall they get an A for their first 100 days.

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