Sunday, January 20, 2013

Evil Human Resource Dept.

In setting up an evil tyrannical organization there are many problems to overcome. Technical problems, tyrants tend to jail and kill mathematicians. Logistical problems, I talked about that a few weeks ago. X-Men vs. Van Halen.

One major problem Evil Organizations face is human resources. If your organization is dedicated to crushing the human spirit, it's tough to come up with ways to keep morale up.

STAR WARS shows two evil organizations (the Empire and Jabba the Hut's smuggling ring) each with different Human Resource problems. I realize they would need to come up with a different name as Human doesn't really fit.

The Empire's Human Resource Dept. was the factor that really led to it's downfall. The Personnel officer's were the most incompetent beings they could find. That is to be expected in an organization that doesn't believe in a person's worth and dignity, but they took it to a whole new level.

I can just imagine the conversation when the first Death Star became operational.

Tarkin: I've found a few potential weaknesses in the Death Star. A few squadrons of small fighters could threaten us. We have the resources of the entire Galaxy behind us. We could easily eliminate that threat with a few squadrons of Tie fighters. Call HR and get us some pilots.

Minion: I called HR and they are sending two battalions of Storm Troopers.

Tarkin: Can any of them fly?

Minion: No, just stand around looking intimidating.

Tarkin: What use could that be on the Death Star?

Minion: I have no idea, but that's what they are sending.

The same pattern happened when they noticed the heat vent was venerable and a carpenter with a sheet of plywood could stop the destruction, HR sent a battalion of Storm Troopers. The Empire's whole HR dept seemed to have the feeling whatever the request, send Storm Troopers.

Jabba's organization was the opposite, once someone was hired they seemed to go out of their way to make them fit into the organization.

Pod Racing was a way for Jabba to keep the masses from revolting, however it is a completely lame sport. So Jabba got the best announcer (Greg Proops and Scott Capurro) to spice it up. Star Wars fans will complain that their performance wasn't part of the original script and the commentary on the pod racing was just as nonsensical as the pod racing itself. The two improv actors wrote the comments themselves, but it's part of the Star Wars Universe now so I am sticking with it. To keep the masses in line Jabba got the best talent available.

Later in Return of the Jedi, we really got to see the HR dept work their tails off.

When Jabba hired C3PO as a translator droid. They could have just had him fill out his paperwork and be done with him, but they went the extra mile.

They gave him a full tour of the lair, pointing out where Jabba kept his pet Rancor, Sarlacc, and other things in the lair. They really wanted him to be comfortable in his new home.

Same thing with Leia dressed as a bounty-hunter. They showed her Han Solo frozen in Carbonite and how to work the controls, they really wanted the new hires to feel at home.

The only real problem with Jabba's HR dept was they weren't that good on doing background checks. That was a major weakness.

If the Empire and Jabba were to work on improving their Human Resource Dept, have the Empire's HR do more than just send Storm Troopers for every request, and teach Jabba's people how to do a proper background check, the Rebels never would have defeated them.

By Darrell B. Nelson author of I KILLED THE MAN THAT WASN'T THERE

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