Reincarnation Poll

Last week my poll was about things that might strain a friendship. I took a few things that “friends” in my book MIND THIEF did to each other to gage how that might effect their relationship with each other.

It was a 50/50 split. Half the people thought that not stopping someone from accidental cannibalism to be a major no-no for a friendship and half thought switching a girl's birth control pills with ovulation pills might be something she would get mad at you for.

Apparently, my readers don't care if their best friend is really a spy for the new world order that only hangs out with them to report to their puppet masters, or if the girl that's been hanging all over them was paid to do so as part of a sinister experiment. Making my readers either really shallow or really tolerant of their friends little flaws. I'll just assume they are very tolerant.

So the moral of this poll is friends don't let friends eat people. Also, friends don't let friends accidentally make people. Good to know.

On to the next poll:

In my Shut-up Stupid Rant yesterday I had to look at Sen Mitch McConnell (never a pleasant thing to do). That made me have to research Sea Turtle sex.

It turns out that Male Sea Turtles can hold an erection for six to ten hours. The Female Sea Turtles are quite promiscuous when they go in heat and will have sex with two to three males a day for the three or four days they are in heat. Simple math shows that for those three or four days the female Sea Turtle pretty much spends that entire time having sex. That is one wild party.

I imagine the female Sea Turtle spends the next six months thinking back on that wild three days, then the next six months looking forward to the next party. A cycle that continues for hundreds of years.

I mentioned this to my wife who pointed out that Male Sea Turtles are probably like Male Humans and some are probably duds in the bedroom. That would leave the Female thinking for six to ten hours, “I wish I had thumbs to twiddle.”

Still the wild orgy of Sea Turtles must make their lives interesting.

This got me thinking about what other animals do to make their lives happier.

The other extreme from the once a year orgy is the Bonobos. A distant relation to the U2 singer Bono these primates pretty much have foreplay all the time.

They can learn to use tools like chimps, but in the wild they only seem to use tools that help them play. The use banana leaves to cover their eyes then run obstacles and that sort of thing.

When it comes to sex they use any excuse. Food's here let's all have sex to build up an appetite. We had a fight, lets have sex to make up for it. Oh a new toy, lets have sex to celebrate.

The actual sex only last a couple of minutes but they spend most of the day fondling each other junk, building up to it.

If you enjoy foreplay the life of a Bonobos is the way to go.

Now the Bonobos are only kind of, sort of, bi-sexual. Generally the males don't penetrate each other just hang upside down and “penis fence” or rub their penises against another males butt. But if you are full bi what should you do?

Enter the Percula Clownfish (Nemo)

The Clownfish lives in groups of one female, one mating male, and several non-mating males. The order is established by the largest being the female, the second largest being the mating male, and rest being non-mating males.

If the female dies or gets fished, the second largest (the mating male) becomes the female and the next largest becomes the mating male.

So one lucky fish has the best of both worlds.

But what if you're anti-social?

The Argonaut is a species of octopus that is so anti-social they don't get to together for sex. The male just gets near a female he likes and pushes his sperm in a special tentacle which detaches and swims over to the female. So she can have sex without worrying about personality and stuff. A lot of females would find this to be the dream date.

Based on this information:

If you were reincarnated which animal would you like to be?

A Sea Turtle

A Bonobos

A Clownfish

An Argonaut

As always vote on the upper left hand corner of the page. Special Privacy Notice, some people worry when voting on sex topics if it is anonymous. My policy is that I really too damn lazy to figure out who is doing the voting, I'm just glad they do.

By Darrell B. Nelson author of I KILLED THE MAN THAT WASN'T THERE