Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Dumb Answers to S**t people say to writers

Lev Rephael wrote, S**t People Say to writers I thought I'd respond.

Have you been published?

This is when Karen Allen of Raiders of the Lost Ark would shout out, “Indie!”

What do you write?

I mostly take the same 26 letters combine them with punctuation and rearrange them. Sometimes I throw numbers and stuff in as well.

Do you have, like, a real job?

I don't spend a lot of time in the real world.

I don't read much.

That's okay, I use the word, “Much” sparingly.

Do you know Stephen King? What's he like?

Yeah, we hang out all the time.

You should write a book about my life, it's a bestseller for sure.

Really, I was on the FBI's watchlist from the day I was born because Bobby Kennedy brought my dad before the “committee on un-American activities”. Eleven of my last Fourteen Employers went to jail, including one of America's “Top Psychics” who never saw that coming. But I'm sure your life is interesting too.

I'm gonna write someday, when I have free time.

I get my time when it's on sale.

My sister likes to read. Have you written anything she would know?

Just the note I left with the money on her nightstand.

You write novels? I only read stuff that's real.

Next time I'm in reality I'll write about it.

I read your book. It was... interesting.

Disturbing is the word I usually get.

My mother loves your books.

Thanks, Sis.

I've got a great story for you!

Does it involve a time traveling pirate, who has to save the world from the unholy kitten army?

I thought books were dead.

I try to bring my scenes to life.

You should write a screenplay! That's where all the money is.

All of it? Not a cent anywhere else?

By Darrell B. Nelson author of I KILLED THE MAN THAT WASN'T THERE

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