Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Same Sex Marriage Poll, Part 2

My last poll asked what legal thing you would plead the 5th to rather than having your family and friends find out that about.

Half the voters would rather go to trial for murder than admit they were a member of congress. I can't say I blame them.

A quarter wouldn't want people to know they were at a Carrot Top concert, so Carrot Top is twice as popular as Congress. According to this poll if Congress were to star in a movie it wouldn't be anywhere near as successful as Chairman of the Board which ranked 63 in the all time bottom of movies rankings, being beat by such classics as Mitchel and Laserblast.

No one was ashamed to be at a transvestite bar. For the record I've never actual been to one, not because I'd be embarrassed, but during my bar hopping days I didn't live near any.

So on to my next poll:

An earlier poll showed most of my readers think Same-Sex marriages “Are Fabulous”. When I came across this little article on questions not to ask a Same-Sex couple getting married. I thought of a poll.

I'm a Unitarian so Same-Sex marriages are something I grew up with, so most of those questions I wouldn't even think to ask. But I have found a few questions that are sort of Faux-pas. I'm wondering which ones you think shouldn't be asked.

On the honeymoon, can I watch?

Why not an unhappy, mournful wedding?

Will it be fabulous?

Will you have separate Bachelor/Bachelorette parties?

As always vote on the upper left hand side of the page.

By Darrell B. Nelson author of I KILLED THE MAN THAT WASN'T THERE

Sunday, January 29, 2012

Shut-up Stupid Sunday: Fly me to the Moon

I can't believe I'm defending Newt Gingrich, sort of, but I am.

Newt has proposed having an American base on the Moon by 2021. All over the media people are mocking the idea as ridiculous. The idea is doable. The way Newt wants to do it is stupid, but the idea isn't. The Crux has goes into details in this article.

The one thing Newt isn't willing to commit to, and the reality based community knows is unlikely to happen, is putting forth a budget for the plan. Newt's plan without a budget is just completely gutting NASA to build an unsustainable Moon base that would be abandoned in 2022.

For a real Moon Base it would take the kind of money the US spent on air conditioning in Iraq during the war. The money is now there, we are out of Iraq, but getting the government to shift it to something useful is the hard part.

Just for the hell of it, let's say the government were to shift the $20 billion a year we used to spend on AC in Iraq towards setting up a Moon Base.

An important part of setting up a Moon Base is the ability to get there. The canceled Constellation program had this ability but lack of funding killed it when it was halfway. $8 billion was spent building the components and a lot of the project has been salvaged for continued research. Let's shoot for the Moon and give NASA $8 billion dollars a year more dedicated towards the launch hardware. By 2016 we could have a Ares V heavy lift launcher up and running carrying 188 metric tons to orbit.

Part of the Constellation Program is now unnecessary, the Ares I a vehicle designed to get humans into orbit. Newt spoke the truth when he said:

We will have commercial near-Earth activities that include science, tourism, and manufacturing, and are designed to create a robust industry precisely on the model of the development of the airlines in the 1930s, because it is in our interest to acquire so much experience in space that we clearly have a capacity that the Chinese and the Russians will never come anywhere close to matching.

This will happen no matter who is in the White House. Three companies plan on having human rated rockets flying by 2016. With an additional $2 Billion from my fantasy budget given out in contracts to do more Near Earth Orbital work, these companies could pursue a robust launch schedule.

I've used up half my fantasy budget now. The rest can be used on ground operations. Space Operations need power. $2 Billion dollars a year could be spent on Solar Energy Research. This would be about the same amount as the private US Solar Energy Industries makes in exports. With that kind of money the US would become the leader in Solar Energy systems and Solar panels would be at least one quarter the weight and cost they are now.

This would also free the US from our reliance on foreign oil as the amount of energy we would get from Solar Energy would be huge.

Any Moon Base would also need to be self-sustaining so I'll give another $2 Billion towards research in self-sustaining technologies. Advanced recycling, energy efficiency, low energy material processing. All these technologies could be used on Earth as well giving our economy a boost.

Finally, to have a robust space program you need a very well educated workforce. I'd give the remaining $6 Billion out in Pell Grants, giving students a third more money towards college. So cost wouldn't be the major factor in pursuing a degree.

Given this extra budget, by 2020 when it comes time to build the Lunar Base we would have a robust Near Earth Orbit infrastructure, the technology for a sustainable Moon Base and an educated workforce. The $5 Billion per year it would take to keep the base operational in its first couple of decades would come from the $8 Billion a year I used to build the original hardware.

All it takes is the same amount of commitment that we had towards keeping our troops cool so they could go out and kill brown people.

So to the people who laugh at Newt Gingrich's idea of a Moon Base, I say, “Shut-up Stupid, don't laugh at the idea as being impossible because it isn't. All it takes is a level of commitment and an approach that helps all the people of this country. So you should laugh at Gingrich as commitment and helping the people of this country are not things he has ever shown he was willing or able to do.”

By Darrell B. Nelson author of I KILLED THE MAN THAT WASN'T THERE

Saturday, January 28, 2012

Discount Tire Direct


A marketing buzz phrase is, “Wow the Customer.” Most places say it but don't do it. I had to become a customer for Discount Tire Direct and here is what I have to say: “Wow!”

We had a ice and snow storm a few weeks ago. I learned to drive on the Canadian Border so I didn't think much of it. Then I made a stupid mistake.

I was pulling out on to the road and turned my tires too sharp, the car snowplowed and went straight into the curb at 5mph. It was a solid hit on the front passenger rim. I continued to drive and the car started shaking violently at 5 mph.

As a former Network Engineer I looked at this as an Engineering problem, so I turned the car off for 20 seconds and turned it back on. Amazingly that didn't fix it. So did what I would do if a network slowed down, I got out of the car and got back in. That didn't work either.

I drove home at 40 mph, the car would shake off the road if I went faster. The next morning, I took it to my mechanic at Precision Auto and they swapped the rear tire with the front and put the spare on the rear. That worked but I need a rim.

They searched for a week and finally found one at a junkyard 60 miles away. I took it to my tire shop and found it didn't fit.

After all this I searched for some answers and went online. It turns out that the Nissan Sentra uses a 4x114.3 mm (4x4.5") bolt pattern, if you have this bolt pattern it means that in a former life you committed a crime against nature so heinous that hell has no punishment great enough for proper justice.

While online I noticed a link to Discount Tire Direct I figured it couldn't hurt to try.

My salesman was Wyatt, and at first I worried as he was so confident the rim he recommended would fit. After my week of bad luck I thought he might be overconfident. But he shipped out the tire and it arrived the next day. Discount Tire Direct has an awesome shipping dept. It cost me $70 for the super cool looking rim, a used steel one would cost over half that, if I could find one. After over a week of searching I was pretty sure I couldn't.

Sure enough the tire fit like he said it would, but there was a problem. My lugs didn't fit the smaller holes in the rim. It took special lugs.

I called Wyatt back in a panic, he told me to calm down and he sent out the lugs and the special socket for it, free of charge.

Now I have great looking rim, that really makes my Sentra look snazzy. If I ever have this problem again I know it can be fixed in a day, and life is wonderful thanks to Wyatt and Discount Tire Direct.

As soon as I save up a little money I'll get a matching rim. But I wondered what the Sentra would look like with all four tires on good rims. A quick session in Photoshop showed it would look pretty cool.

By Darrell B. Nelson author of I KILLED THE MAN THAT WASN'T THERE

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Pleading the Fifth Poll

My Martin Luther King Jr. poll showed that a great slogan for a MLK sale would be, “High prices anywhere, are a threat to savings everywhere!” Advertisers can thank me anytime.

On to my next Poll:

Pleading the fifth is basically staying silent so you don't incriminate yourself of a crime. But it can be used so you don't incriminate yourself of something that is legal, but would damage your reputation if it got out.

What alibi would make you plead the fifth to a murder charge:

You were having an affair.

You were at a Transvestite Bar

Your Family doesn't know you are a congressperson

You were at a Carrot Top concert.

As always vote on the upper left hand corner of the page.

By Darrell B. Nelson author of I KILLED THE MAN THAT WASN'T THERE

Sunday, January 22, 2012

Shut-up Stupid Sunday: Money-Grubbing Cowards

I'm not naïve, I know that in a battle between the 1% and the 99%, the 1% is going to outspend the person standing up for the working people 1,000 to 1. They will do everything possible to make it an unfair battle. But at least it is a battle.

Every once in awhile the working class manages to elect someone that gives them a voice. So against the odds someone can at least say something against the money-grubbing influence. You would think that one vote against 37 members of the State Senate who are bought and paid for by the people who remove our beautiful Smokey Mountains and poison our drinking water wouldn't be a threat.

But the Kentucky state government, the Democratic House, the Republican Senate and the Democratic Governor all joined together to rid the State Senate of Kathy Stein by moving her district over an hour away from her home in Kentucky's 2nd largest city.

First off that is 90,000 people who will be represented for the next four year (when the seat comes up for election again) by someone they have never heard of who lives three hours away. Second this wasn't about her votes, 1 against 37 is no threat.

This was a move against reality. The other Senators could easily ignore reality as they stayed surrounded by lobbyists and heard only what their bosses paid them to hear, but then they had to hear that maybe poisoning our citizens wasn't such a great idea. Maybe letting companies rape our land wasn't the best thing they could do for the state.

The Democrats and Republicans alike couldn't stand voice from the working people and got together and in a blindly fast 48 hours passed a plan to get rid of her.

The moneyed elite talk about class warfare, well this is an outright assault on the working class telling them that their votes don't count.

These money-grubbing cowards know that no matter how unfairly they stack the deck by outspending on ads, using Corporate controlled media to lie to citizens, bus in uninformed people from outside the state, spread fear and hatred throughout our nation, reality will still be there. And in a democracy sometimes people will look at reality and elect someone who isn't a tool of big business. When that happens they will stop pretending we are a democracy and ignore the people's vote and get rid of the Senator they elected.

So to the money-grubbing cowards that bought our state government so they could prevent the people's voice from being heard, I say, “Shut-up Stupid, if you can't win a fight that you have made so unfair in your favor, you might want to look at what you are doing to get the people mad at you. There is only so long you can go around killing poor people and stealing from the middle class before it catches up with you. You may have removed a voice of reality from the Senate by destroying the very concept of democracy, but you haven't silenced her. You also won't silence others, Kathy Stein's district has the longest continuous protest by the Occupy Movement in the World. Those who you outraged by this action will organize, and we are coming for you.”

If you are like me, after hearing about this attack on the foundation of what made this country great, you need a hug. Here is a place you can go. The Nicest Place on the Internet

By Darrell B. Nelson author of I KILLED THE MAN THAT WASN'T THERE

Thursday, January 19, 2012


I was on strike yesterday to protest SOPA and PIP, that means I should post today. So I will talk about Internet Piracy.

As an artist I'm told I should be concerned if someone steals a copy of my book, I KILLED THE MAN THAT WASN'T THERE and not give me my $0.00 in royalties. Then I remember I am giving it away free.

By giving it away for free, thousands of people have downloaded it and I assume some of them have read it. Being at the bottom rung, or at most the 1st rung, of the publishing ladder just being read is nice. But what about books I'm actually selling.

I've sold a few books to followers of this blog, thank you very much, but most sales were at times that I wasn't talking about my books here. I assume those sales weren't from my blog and were from people that read I KILLED THE MAN THAT WASN'T THERE and liked my writing well enough to fork over their hard earned $0.99. I hope I didn't disappoint them.

That's the thing about entertainment. People set aside a certain amount of money for entertainment, they will spend that amount on a good value. The money is almost a side issue to people, time spent is far more valuable.

If someone pays $0.99 for one of my books and thinks it trash. Their first thought isn't going to be, “That bastard robbed me of my dollar!” it's more likely to be, “Well, there's a few hours of my life I'll never get back.”

When they complain about me stealing a few hours of their life, I shall let out an evil laugh and say, “You fell for my evil scheme to steal a few hours from thousands of victims so that I shall have all the time in the world!”

Actually I would feel bad and try to do better next time.

I didn't come up with the concept of giving away content in order to reach the small percentage of people who will pay for it. I stole it from Metallica, the very band that started the “sue your fans” craze. When Metallica was starting out they couldn't get even indie labels to listen to them. They were considered way too extreme. They started recording their gigs in bars and giving the tapes to everyone who came in. People started sharing the tapes and they started making there way on to college radio stations. Record labels started hearing these awful recordings and figured people would pay money for “clean” versions and Metallica became a major metal band.

My solution to Piracy is to have a looser definition of “Fair Use”. Have 20% of the work be the standard. If a major portion of a work is being passed around, the people who pay for content, Most people, will see, hear, read it. People will look for it. The places where you pay for content will be the easiest to find and people will pay for it. Even if 90% of the people grab illegal copies that is a bigger audience and some of those people will eventually pay.

This model helps the artists on the lower rung most, when exposure is hardest. But it also helps the general public as the “midlist”, non-bestsellers who still make a living, is growing. This means a greater variety in all forms of entertainment.

For those of you who don't think this model will work. After you watched the video I put up, if you saw AMAZON WOMEN ON THE MOON in the past you probably thought about watching it again. That keeps it in circulation with demand for it. If it sells one copy for every hundred websites it is put up on that is an income stream for the makers that they wouldn't have if it weren't posted. Most copyright laws now consider my posting of that little segment illegal.

By Darrell B. Nelson author of I KILLED THE MAN THAT WASN'T THERE

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

On Strike

On Jan 24th, Congress will vote to pass internet censorship in the Senate, even though the vast majority of Americans are opposed. We need to kill the bill - PIPA in the Senate and SOPA in the House - to protect our rights to free speech, privacy, and prosperity. We need internet companies to follow Reddit's lead and stand up for the web, as we internet users are doing every day.

President Obama has vowed to veto it, right now both bills are dead in the water but that doesn't mean victory. It will come up again and we will need to fight it once more. Over and over again.

I will not post tomorrow, in protest of these bills.

If you want to read any blogs, not just mine, in the future please go here and stand up against censorship. http://sopastrike.com/

By Darrell B. Nelson author of I KILLED THE MAN THAT WASN'T THERE

Monday, January 16, 2012


My last poll asked which politician benefited the most from voters thinking they were someone else.

It was a tie between Mitch McConnell who is mistaken for Admiral Ackbar from THE RETURN OF THE JEDI and Santorum with people not knowing they are voting for Rick Santorum and think they are voting for something much less disgusting.

This week's poll falls on Martin Luther King Day. This holiday has come along way in my lifetime. I can remember when the only business that celebrated it was Macy's who had their “Martin Luther King White Sale”. As bad as that was it was a start. Now businesses are getting in on the act and honoring him with sales. They are putting him in with Washington and Jefferson which I think is great.

So I ask you, dear reader, what is the best slogan for a Martin Luther King Day sale.

Come see a Mountain Top of Savings

Free shipping, Free shipping, Free shipping at last.

High prices anywhere, are a threat to savings everywhere.

MLK White Sale.

As always vote on the upper left hand corner of the page.

By Darrell B. Nelson author of I KILLED THE MAN THAT WASN'T THERE

Sunday, January 15, 2012

Shut-up Stupid Sunday: Mormons

A recent survey found that most Mormons feel they have been discriminated against. This result was greeted by the response, “Uh Duh” by most of the nation.

Anyone who has read this blog more than a few times is probably aware of how I feel about any form of discrimination. I simply can't understand how anyone can hate someone they don't know based on what group they belong to, when if you take the time to get to know someone as a person you will find so many real and nuanced things to hate about them.

While I would like to sympathize with the “mainstream” Mormons, it is hard get passed the fact that they support a church that does everything it can to discriminate against gays. I definitely sympathize with the Mormons in the Affirmation movement but the others, not so much.

I know how it feels to face discrimination because of my religion. Some bloggers have done several posts attacking me personally because I am a Unitarian. The way I deal with this is to not discriminate against others.

In the words Gandhi, “Be the change you seek in others”. If you feel you've been discriminated against, remember that feeling when you see others being discriminated against. If you are a Mormon when your church starts spewing out hatred against gays, remember how you felt when someone said hateful things about Mormons. Use those feelings to speak out against against the hate. Remember that the hate being said is directed at living breathing humans with feelings and emotions.

I know a few Mormons and most of them don't agree with their church's stance on gays. While it is tough to speak out against a group, a funny thing happens when you do stand up to blind hatred. You see that the person spewing the hatred is really just a scared little bully. Then when you experience the same hatred it loses its power over you.

So to the Mormons who complain about being discriminated against and feel they should be able to discriminate, I say, “Shut-up Stupid, if you stop discriminating, you can be the change you seek in others. When people see it is not alright to spew out blind hatred against any group the discrimination will stop and people will start seeing each other as human beings.”

By Darrell B. Nelson author of I KILLED THE MAN THAT WASN'T THERE

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Looking forward

My latest writing post is up.

It is about looking where you are going.

By Darrell B. Nelson author of I KILLED THE MAN THAT WASN'T THERE

Monday, January 9, 2012

Mistaken Identity Poll

My last poll looked at how well people were sticking to their New Years Eve resolutions after one day. Petty good actually half the respondents kept them, a quarter didn't know and one quarter broke them completely. I'm sure that has changed by now.

On to the next poll:

In politics many politicians get a bump by being mistaken for someone else. Here in Kentucky Senator Mich McConnell is only in office because people have seen his picture and thought he was Admiral Ackbar from RETURN OF THE JEDI.

Senator Mitch McConnell Totally Looks Like Admiral Ackbar

Looking at the pictures it is hard to tell them apart, but Admiral Ackbar was played by Tim Rose and had a special mask that made him look like Mich McConnell.

Rick Perry has a double bump, which is good as if there three he wouldn't be able to count that high. Some people think he was the lead singer of Journey and some think he was the gay cowboy in BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN.

Neither of those is true.

Rick Santorum gets a bump because people think he is a frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the by-product of anal sex. They don't realize they are voting for something truly disgusting.

So this week I ask:

Who gets the biggest bump from mistaken identity?

McConnell/ Adm. Ackbar

Rick Perry/ Steve Perry

Rick Santorum/ Santorum

As always vote on the left hand corner of the page.

By Darrell B. Nelson author of I KILLED THE MAN THAT WASN'T THERE

Sunday, January 8, 2012

Shut-up Stupid Sunday: Seeking God

It's a New Year so that means new attacks on science. In New Hampshire there is a proposed law that wants science teachers to say that we believe Uranium has more protons than Carbon, but hey, who knows.

They would also have to say, and I'm not making this up, “evolution to be taught in the public schools of this state as a theory, including the theorists' political and ideological viewpoints and their position on the concept of atheism."

Here's a news flash. Science is not in any way atheist.

What science is at its very core is the quest to understand how the universe works. If that includes god so be it.

Every time an astronomer glances at the sky, they ask, “How did this happen? Can this be proof of god? If so how do I test it?”

Every time a biologist looks at a bacterium, they look for gods signature.

Every time physicists smash particles together they look to see if the smaller particles have a little stamp saying, “Made by God, Copyright 13,000,000,000 BC.”

If a scientist were to find the proof of God's hand in the universe it would be the greatest discovery ever. That scientist would be the most famous human being ever. The world of science would explode and scientists would have trouble dealing with the amount of funds that would go towards research.

So far no proof of God has been found, but to scientists and skeptics that doesn't mean we stop looking. To a scientist or a skeptic the existence of God can never be disproved, only proved or be uncertain. However the closest thing to disproving God would be to stop looking and say, “We've looked and didn't find God.”

So I ask you, who believes in God more? The scientist and skeptics who look for God's hand in the universe and even though they haven't found it keep looking, and will accept it and rejoice at the greatest discovery ever if they do find it? Or, the Creationists who want to stop them from looking for any evidence of God?

It's my view that those who want to stop the search must be afraid that evidence of God will never be found. Therefore they are the true Atheists.

The scientists and skeptics, who believe in what can be proven, and if evidence of God is discovered would embrace it as the greatest scientific breakthrough ever, are the ones seeking God.

So to all those “believers” that want us to stop using science to understand how the universe works, I say, “Shut-up Stupid. Just because you are convinced that proof of God will never be found, it doesn't give you the right to stop other from seeking evidence of God's hand.”


People have taken offense to this series thinking that I am saying that they have diminished mental capacity. In this series I use the term “Stupid”, for lack of a better term, for the total lack of Intellectual curiosity and the insistence to deny any and all facts that contradict their pre-conceived beliefs that these groups display.

I hope that makes them feel better.

By Darrell B. Nelson author of I KILLED THE MAN THAT WASN'T THERE

Thursday, January 5, 2012

I Tried

I tried to resist, but I have to comment on the Iowa Caucuses.

According to the news Santorum surged from the rear. In the last few days before the caucuses Santorum was all over the state. In the end, Romney squeezed out Santorum, winning the caucus.

Santorum came out number two.

There are those who say that making fun of Santorum in this way is juvenile and gross.

To those critics I loudly and boldly declare, that while spreading the definition of Santorum is indeed juvenile and gross. The one thing that is more juvenile and gross is the man himself.

This is a man who has a stated goal of tearing loving families apart. A man who blames the financial meltdown on people's sexual orientation. Then plays the victim when people call him a bigot. What kind of world is it where just because you group loving homosexual relationships and bestiality together you are called a bigot?

This is a man who wants to ban all abortions for women who aren't part of his family. He wants all abortions, even to save the life of the mother, banned. But his wife's own abortion, “That was different.”

This is a man who wants to outlaw birth control. Because having a woman in control of the birthing process is unnatural, that's the government's job.

This is a man that wants to end food stamps because the nations obesity rate is so high.

This is a man that thinks people facing multi-million dollar medical bills should just pay less for their cell phones.

This is a man that thinks health insurance companies should have the right to refuse people with per-existing conditions so that the insurance companies can continue to make huge profits.

Yes, the definition that I and other people have been spreading is juvenile and gross. But not as gross as the actual candidate.

If you read this and are wondering what I am talking about, “GOOGLE SANTORUM” and it will all make sense.

By Darrell B. Nelson author of I KILLED THE MAN THAT WASN'T THERE

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

First Writing Post of the Year

Here is my very first writing post of 2012.


By Darrell B. Nelson author of I KILLED THE MAN THAT WASN'T THERE

Monday, January 2, 2012

Poll: New Years Resolutions

It's the second day of the New Year. I was wondering how everyone was doing with their resolutions.

1)Barely keeping up.
2)Broke them completely yesterday
3)My Resolution was to break all my Resolutions, so I don't know.

As always vote on the upper left hand corner of the page.
By Darrell B. Nelson author of I KILLED THE MAN THAT WASN'T THERE