Self-Promotion

One thing that sucks about being a writer is doing self-promotion. But here's my Self-Promotion page:













By Darrell B. Nelson author of I KILLED THE MAN THAT WASN'T THERE

New Release and Gifts

I'm announcing the release of my new book on amazon. SHOWGIRLS AND ALIENS

It's a fast fun read.
Former Gymnast, Nomi, lost hope after her parents were killed. She's now a drug using stripper. When she is on acid she can see the alien reptiles that rule the Earth in their true form.
She learns that not only have the reptiles been enslaving mankind but they killed her parents as well. They have targeted her to host a new breed of reptiles.
She must defeat the reptiles that enslave the Earth. Or she will be impregnated by them.

As a special promotion for every facebook like I get for this book, I will rub a kitten's ears.

If you don't want to like it for me, do it for the kittens.

By Darrell B. Nelson author of I KILLED THE MAN THAT WASN'T THERE

Golfing with Tiger Woods and President Obama

The press corp is outraged that they weren't allowed access to the golf outing with Tiger Woods and President Obama. They could have just talked to me. When I was promoting my new book, SHOWGIRLS AND ALIENS that will be available on Amazon via their KDP Select program, I went golfing with Tiger Woods and President Obama.
Well, not really with them as I was in Kentucky and they were at a golf course, but we were on the same planet that counts, right? Oh and I wasn't really golfing, just doing my daily walk, but it was a form of exercise. And I wasn't promoting my new book, SHOWGIRLS AND ALIENS the story of a stripper fighting the man-sized reptiles that control the Earth, I was just sort of walking.
But Tiger Woods and President Obama were walking as well, so it's all connected.
It also reminded me about how similar my new book, SHOWGIRLS AND ALIENS about a fun and feisty stripper saving the world, is to a golf match between Tiger Woods and President Obama in that...well there has to be some connection.
Shortly after my sort of golfing match with Tiger Woods and President Obama while promoting my new book SHOWGIRLS AND ALIENS a comedy about a stripper taking on Alien Reptiles, I read this post, 10 Book-Marketing/Self-Promotion Techniques Which Annoy Potential Readers and found some great hints on how to promote my new book, SHOWGIRLS AND ALIENS the second book in the Vekman series.
By the way, I have a new book coming out, SHOWGIRLS AND ALIENS. It will soon appear on my AMAZON page.

By Darrell B. Nelson author of I KILLED THE MAN THAT WASN'T THERE

Latest Reviews

I'm finally at the stage that I am getting bad reviews. Maybe I'm weird (My critique partners would say I don't need the modifier) but bad reviews make me happy. It means someone thought enough about my writing to say something and didn't just think, “Oh the poor thing, at least he's trying.”

So here are some of the reviews I've gotten at Barnes & Noble:

For REPOSSESSING SANITY:


Anonymous gave it a 1 star saying, “Disgusting! I couldn't finish this story. It was beyond violent and not at all interesting. This author needs help.”

It's always nice when a stranger takes an interest in my mental health, not just my friends and family.

Other reviews were a bit more positive.

4 Stars “An intrigueing layout of how you take your chances and who you do your dealings with. Well written, fast paced plot will keep you wondering what's next.”

5 Stars Great Short: “Really enjoyed great read”

Both a 1 star and a 5 star with the review: “No text was provided for this review.”

I never know how to take that.

For HOW MUCH HEAD SHOULD A GIRL GIVE (IN A DAY)?

SN#DTF said: “This book truly has helped me for when I lost my VIRGINITY !!”

Since it dealt with dietary issues of head, I would love to hear SN#DTF's story. Was his girlfriend on a diet and found out that giving him head would add 35 calories to her daily caloric intake and said, “In that case lets just have sex.”
Someone replied: “Im sorry, but thats sad if you need a BOOk to lose your "virginity". Thanks for leting me know your personalblife though.” They gave my book a one star.

Did they give my book the bad rating because it got SN#DTF laid?

Then there is the minimalist negative rating: I Fail to see the humor: “I
No”

It's simplicity reminds me of what one publisher wrote to Oscar Wilde, "My dear sir, I have read your manuscript. Oh, my dear sir."

For I KILLED THE MAN THAT WASN'T THERE
I got one reviewer to give it 5 Stars: “Great 3 story collection. Really enjoyed will def look up more of auth work”
I'm glad they liked the first three stories, but there were actually 4 stories. I didn't think the last one would drag down the ratings.

A HOME TO DIE FOR got these:
A good fast read, Whoa, and Great.
One person liked the Adjuster better which is a bit of a shock to me, the first story was picked up by the first mag I sent it to. The Adjuster set records for the speed that it was rejected, but I still liked it. It just goes to show the great thing about self publishing is that it can give readers, who like something that editors don't like, a way to get those stories.
I know I read a lot of stuff that wouldn't be published in a regular magazine.

One thing I have to say about Barnes and Noble; I don't sell anywhere near the books there as I do at other places, but I get a lot more reviews.

By Darrell B. Nelson author of I KILLED THE MAN THAT WASN'T THERE

Kindle Poll

Last weeks poll was about the strange disappearance of 7 million children from the IRS tax records after they required a valid social security number for dependents. The responses were split between, “They were magically turned into a kitten army with balls of yarn”, and “Their souls power the “Naked Eye Supernova” to do evil.”

Of course we all know, it's a Government/Alien conspiracy to use children to populate new planets.

On to the next poll:

I've been looking through Amazon's Kindle releases to see what is most popular for downloading. Oddly enough, it's ebooks. A lot of the offerings even stress this point with titles like MY BOOK (A Novel). I'm thinking people might like a variety of things to download. So for my next release should it be:

A) SHOWGIRLS AND ALIENS (A Dessert Topping)

B) SHOWGIRLS AND ALIENS (A Floor Polish)

C) SHOWGIRLS AND ALIENS (A House Plant)

D) SHOWGIRLS AND ALIENS (A Comfy Chair)

As always vote on the upper left hand side of the page.

By Darrell B. Nelson author of I KILLED THE MAN THAT WASN'T THERE

Power Words

In order to write a powerful book blurb, announcing a unique, new and improved (how can it be both brand new yet also improved) especially astonishing book, we urgently need to use sensational power words.

These secret, professionally tested words have a guaranteed way of unlocking the spotlight on our amazing unsurpassed wonderful book. For a limited time I've been daring to use these tremendous miracle words to breakthrough the unlimited wealth of opportunities that a book blurb can release.

Here is the just arrived, authentic blurb to launch my absolutely colossal new book, SHOWGIRLS AND ALIENS:

“It will make you giggle.”

Okay maybe it needs work.

By Darrell B. Nelson author of I KILLED THE MAN THAT WASN'T THERE

Missing Children Poll

According to IRS records, over 7 million children in the US disappeared between April 15, 1986 and April 15, 1987. That's a huge number of children. That more than the entire population of Libya. What could have caused this?

A) IRS requiring SS Numbers when claiming dependents. (Before that you could just write in a name.)

B) A Government/Alien conspiracy to use children to populate new planets.

C)They were magically turned into a kitten army with balls of yarn.

D)Their souls power the “Naked Eye Supernova” to do evil.

As always vote on the upper-left corner of the page.
By Darrell B. Nelson author of I KILLED THE MAN THAT WASN'T THERE

The “Well, Why Not?” Moment

If you've watched thousands of B-Movies like I have, then you've experienced the, “Well, Why Not?” moment. In the middle of a bad Space Opera, a pack of Amazons on horseback attack. Why? “Well, Why Not?” Why is the girl in the black bikini suddenly wrestling the girl in the white bikini in a pit filled with jello? “Well, Why Not?”

In fiction this is a sign of a bad writer, one who just gets a few random scenes they want to see flash through their head and jot them down. Tyeing it to a plot, too much work.

When I watch these movies, those type scenes make me laugh my ass off. But even in the very cheesiest B-Movies, you have time to catch your breath in between them. So why doesn't the news maintain the same strict standards as Ed Wood did when writing a script?

How can “reporters” not burst out laughing when asked to interview someone who says the shooting at Sandy Hook was a hoax and asks, “Why?” The answer is usually, “Well, Why Not?” Followed by how it a secret plan by Obama to launch a program three times the size of the Apollo program, to take everyone's guns. Seriously, if there was zero resistance the cost of buying the 300 million guns in America valued between $200 and $10,000, not including collectibles, would easily cost more than the Interstate Highway System (the largest public works program in history). When asked “Why would they undertake that big of an investment?” The answer is “Well, Why Not?”

Except for Micheal Bay's, movies that have “Well, Why Not?” moments are shunned by the public. So how did we get to a point where we allow them on the News?

Someone said to me, “The pro-gun lobby makes some good points.” I had to laugh in their face and then apologize. They weren't wrong, even the NRA makes some good points, but those points are drown out by the incredibly stupid, “Well, Why Not?” points.

As far as lowering gun deaths while respecting legal gun owners property rights, the answer is simple. Get STOLEN guns off the street. If we had a crack down similar to the “War on Drugs” on STOLEN guns it would reduce gun violence in two ways.

STOLEN guns are used in most gun deaths. Cracking down on them would reduce gun deaths, that's a no brainer. Second, criminals break into houses to steal thing they can sell easily. A $6,000 AK-47 is a tempting target. Right now, a stolen one can fetch a high price. If you were a thief what would you take? 6,000 DVDs or a AK-47 if both brought the same price.

If a STOLEN gun brought the same response as an ounce of coke on the street, the market for STOLEN guns would get much smaller.

Not only wouldn't this cause an undue burden on legal gun owners. All they would have to do is report a stolen gun. It would make them safer as their gun collection would be less of a target.

So if you want to talk to me about a serious issue, gun violence or anything else, and don't want me to laugh in your face, don't say something so outrageous that it can only be backed up by, “Well, Why Not?”

By Darrell B. Nelson author of I KILLED THE MAN THAT WASN'T THERE