The 4 Greatest Diets Ever.

#1 The Russian Federal Space Agency diet.

How the Diet Works:
The Russians will ferry you up to the International Space Station where you will be effectively weightless.

How much can you lose:
Take your current weight and subtract zero, that is the amount of weight you will lose.

Positives:
You go into space.

Negatives:
It costs about $20 million and it only last for a week. Think of it as a Yo-Yo diet.

#2 The Heisenberg Uncertainty Diet

How it works:
From your vantage point before getting on the scale you may or may not have lost weight, therefore if you never get on a scale you will never know if you ever lost weight, or how much you have lost. So from your vantage point any number of pounds lost is just as likely as any other so you just have to say the amount you think you lost.
This is a more refined version of the total denial diet.

Positives:
Easy to Stick to.

Negatives:
Has zero health benifets.

#3 The Dark Energy Diet.

How it works:
You simply replace some of your regular gravity with Dark Energy (also referred to as Anti-Gravity) as other objects like the Earth exert less pull on you the pounds will drop off.

Positives:
You don’t have to change your normal routine, unless you cause a rip in Space-Time causing the destruction of the Universe to be focused on the spot you are standing.

Negatives:
The potential destruction of the Universe is a biggie. The fact that at this point Dark Energy is just a mathematical construct makes it hard to obtain.

#4 Eat sensible meals, exercise regularly, and have illnesses examined by a doctor.

How it works:
Eating sensible meals reduces your caloric intake while the exercise increases the amount of calories your body burns. Checking with a doctor will find any health problems that can restrict the effectiveness and will help you find a way around the problem.

Positives:
You will be healthier and live longer.

Negatives:
It’s a lot of work. Also if you are American you probably lost your healthcare so are unable to see a doctor.