My latest writing post is up, with my new first page to MIND THIEF
Why can't I quit you!
By Darrell B. Nelson author of I KILLED THE MAN THAT WASN'T THERE
Story Time: Overkill
8 months ago
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Monday, May 28, 2012
Armageddon Devices Poll
Last week I held a poll as to which superpower commonly seen in movies you would like to have. It was a three way tie:
Superhealing
The ability to get in a fight that should send you to the hospital, and have all your cuts bruises gone in the next scene. This is an incredible superpower that most of the characters in action movies have.
Instant Clean-up
Being able to pull yourself out of any liquid sticky mess, have your clothes cleaned and pressed, and hair and make-up expertly done. In Star Wars they could say “the force” cleaned them up after they escaped from the garbage pile, in most other movies it's just a unmentioned superpower.
Hack non-computer powered systems.
The power to use a laptop to hack anything, even things that aren't powered by computers. “24” loved to do this, villains would hack the natural gas pipelines or nuclear reactors (Yes nuclear reactors do have computers, but in the US the ones controlling the core haven't been updated since the 70s so instructions from modern computers would overload them). With the awesome power that these hackers have they could easily get rid of their enemies. “Oh no, they've just hacked into the major support beam for this building!”
Of course, having all three would be awesome. You could get in a fight, fall into a garbage pit, pull yourself up and have you hair and clothes be spotless as you hacked non-computer powered systems. The sad thing is that is almost cliché in movies.
Next poll:
Everyone loves sci-fi devices, but few people notice the secondary systems that are activated to make the main ones work. I would love to get my hands on some of these.
Which Sci-Fi device would you like to have?
The Physics Inhibitor
As seen in, well, every sci-fi movie ever.
Need to go faster than light, need to turn a 397,805 metric ton starship on a dime without turning the crew into pancakes. No problem. Turn on the Physics Inhibitor and the laws of the universe don't apply.
Portable Time Dilation
As seen in every Micheal Bay movie.
This is activated after the Physics Inhibitor has been running for an hour of so. Are you in the middle of a countdown but have lots of stuff to do? Activate this handy device and you'll have all the time you need.
Micheal Bay loves this device. In Armageddon they had 14 minutes to blow up the asteroid. It was a full 50 minutes of real film time before they did. That includes Bruce Willis' five minute speech that he started at the one minute mark.
Personal Teleportation
Ever find yourself in the middle of the action. When its over you need to give a caring speech to the loved one of the person who sacrificed their life so that n-people can go on, but they are somewhere else. No problem just use your Personal Teleporter.
Again in Armageddon this was used way too blatantly. Liv Tyler was on the visitor balcony of NASA's mission control, staring down at Billy Bob Thornton, she senses someone behind her, turns and faces Billy Bob Thornton.
Multiple Launch Capabilities
NASA learned that a rocket launch is exciting. They film it from many angles. But sometimes thats just not exciting enough. In order to make it super exciting have the space ships launch several times repeatedly. In Armageddon the two shuttles launched six times each.
I won't get into the selective gravity, windy airless objects, or ability for a motorcycle to travel cross country faster than a private jet. To answer what you are thinking, “Yes I watched Armageddon again last night, and yes Armageddon tired of it.”
As always vote on the upper left hand corner of the page.
By Darrell B. Nelson author of I KILLED THE MAN THAT WASN'T THERE
Superhealing
The ability to get in a fight that should send you to the hospital, and have all your cuts bruises gone in the next scene. This is an incredible superpower that most of the characters in action movies have.
Instant Clean-up
Being able to pull yourself out of any liquid sticky mess, have your clothes cleaned and pressed, and hair and make-up expertly done. In Star Wars they could say “the force” cleaned them up after they escaped from the garbage pile, in most other movies it's just a unmentioned superpower.
Hack non-computer powered systems.
The power to use a laptop to hack anything, even things that aren't powered by computers. “24” loved to do this, villains would hack the natural gas pipelines or nuclear reactors (Yes nuclear reactors do have computers, but in the US the ones controlling the core haven't been updated since the 70s so instructions from modern computers would overload them). With the awesome power that these hackers have they could easily get rid of their enemies. “Oh no, they've just hacked into the major support beam for this building!”
Of course, having all three would be awesome. You could get in a fight, fall into a garbage pit, pull yourself up and have you hair and clothes be spotless as you hacked non-computer powered systems. The sad thing is that is almost cliché in movies.
Next poll:
Everyone loves sci-fi devices, but few people notice the secondary systems that are activated to make the main ones work. I would love to get my hands on some of these.
Which Sci-Fi device would you like to have?
The Physics Inhibitor
As seen in, well, every sci-fi movie ever.
Need to go faster than light, need to turn a 397,805 metric ton starship on a dime without turning the crew into pancakes. No problem. Turn on the Physics Inhibitor and the laws of the universe don't apply.
Portable Time Dilation
As seen in every Micheal Bay movie.
This is activated after the Physics Inhibitor has been running for an hour of so. Are you in the middle of a countdown but have lots of stuff to do? Activate this handy device and you'll have all the time you need.
Micheal Bay loves this device. In Armageddon they had 14 minutes to blow up the asteroid. It was a full 50 minutes of real film time before they did. That includes Bruce Willis' five minute speech that he started at the one minute mark.
Personal Teleportation
Ever find yourself in the middle of the action. When its over you need to give a caring speech to the loved one of the person who sacrificed their life so that n-people can go on, but they are somewhere else. No problem just use your Personal Teleporter.
Again in Armageddon this was used way too blatantly. Liv Tyler was on the visitor balcony of NASA's mission control, staring down at Billy Bob Thornton, she senses someone behind her, turns and faces Billy Bob Thornton.
Multiple Launch Capabilities
NASA learned that a rocket launch is exciting. They film it from many angles. But sometimes thats just not exciting enough. In order to make it super exciting have the space ships launch several times repeatedly. In Armageddon the two shuttles launched six times each.
I won't get into the selective gravity, windy airless objects, or ability for a motorcycle to travel cross country faster than a private jet. To answer what you are thinking, “Yes I watched Armageddon again last night, and yes Armageddon tired of it.”
As always vote on the upper left hand corner of the page.
By Darrell B. Nelson author of I KILLED THE MAN THAT WASN'T THERE
Sunday, May 27, 2012
Shut-up Stupid Sunday: School Vouchers
There are some ideas that are wrong on every level. School Vouchers are one of them.
The idea is to do to the Public Schools what we have done to higher education over the last thirty years. Back when I went to college there was a choice of going to a State University, for almost free, or pay out the nose for private school. Just like parents have the choice in school now.
Having to compete with free made private universities have to really look at their programs and justify the value for students. Not just the big name Ivy League schools. Places like Devry specialized in awesome job placement. Some of my classmates would graduate and take a special six week course at Devry just to get in their job placement program.
Then funding for State Universities got chopped to the bone by people claiming the private market is better. Student loans replaced funding for State Universities.
The result was programs that the State Universities and Community Colleges used to handle shifted to for-profit colleges. Many of which barely kept their accreditation for a few years then lost it. All the students who spent a few years struggling to pay for the courses are told, “Oops, tough luck your diploma isn't worth the paper it's written on.”
So now people want to repeat this by offering school vouchers instead of funding public schools.
Here is my quick answer to the claim that Private Schools are better than Public Schools. If that is true why do they need my money?
I went to Private School until High School. Those Schools really needed to prove they were worth the money as they had to compete with free.
Those in favor of school vouchers like to claim, “It's my money, I should have a choice.”
No, it is not. Part of it is mine. I pay school taxes. For that money I get in return the comfort of having the majority of people around me not be total morons! A good value in my opinion.
Using my money to have your kid go through some religious indoctrination so they want to kill me, or get a substandard education so they end up being a beggar on the street, isn't quite as good a value to me.
So to all the people who are pushing to have vouchers replace the public school system, I say, “Shut-up Stupid. It didn't work with Higher Education, it just got rid of the competition. If public schools are so bad then private schools should be able to easily beat them for people's money. The fact is public schools make a minimum standard for education. If private schools want your money they have to go above and beyond that standard. Vouchers are great way to destroy the value of both Public and Private Schools.”
By Darrell B. Nelson author of I KILLED THE MAN THAT WASN'T THERE
The idea is to do to the Public Schools what we have done to higher education over the last thirty years. Back when I went to college there was a choice of going to a State University, for almost free, or pay out the nose for private school. Just like parents have the choice in school now.
Having to compete with free made private universities have to really look at their programs and justify the value for students. Not just the big name Ivy League schools. Places like Devry specialized in awesome job placement. Some of my classmates would graduate and take a special six week course at Devry just to get in their job placement program.
Then funding for State Universities got chopped to the bone by people claiming the private market is better. Student loans replaced funding for State Universities.
The result was programs that the State Universities and Community Colleges used to handle shifted to for-profit colleges. Many of which barely kept their accreditation for a few years then lost it. All the students who spent a few years struggling to pay for the courses are told, “Oops, tough luck your diploma isn't worth the paper it's written on.”
So now people want to repeat this by offering school vouchers instead of funding public schools.
Here is my quick answer to the claim that Private Schools are better than Public Schools. If that is true why do they need my money?
I went to Private School until High School. Those Schools really needed to prove they were worth the money as they had to compete with free.
Those in favor of school vouchers like to claim, “It's my money, I should have a choice.”
No, it is not. Part of it is mine. I pay school taxes. For that money I get in return the comfort of having the majority of people around me not be total morons! A good value in my opinion.
Using my money to have your kid go through some religious indoctrination so they want to kill me, or get a substandard education so they end up being a beggar on the street, isn't quite as good a value to me.
So to all the people who are pushing to have vouchers replace the public school system, I say, “Shut-up Stupid. It didn't work with Higher Education, it just got rid of the competition. If public schools are so bad then private schools should be able to easily beat them for people's money. The fact is public schools make a minimum standard for education. If private schools want your money they have to go above and beyond that standard. Vouchers are great way to destroy the value of both Public and Private Schools.”
By Darrell B. Nelson author of I KILLED THE MAN THAT WASN'T THERE
Friday, May 25, 2012
Chasing the Dragon
SpaceX's Dragon successfully docked with the ISS today. Making the number of private spacecraft that have docked with the ISS go from 0 in 113 to 1 in 114. Infinitely better.
This really is a big deal. In order for space to open up there needs to be reliable transportation up and down. Since the Shuttle was retired there were only three rockets that could send things up to the ISS and one that could take things back down. Now there are four that can go up, and two that can bring things down.
Also a few other companies are planning on getting in on the act by 2015, 2017 at the latest. By 2020 when the ISS is retired any ideas for a replacement, government sponsored or private, will have a choice of supply vessels. Also they will be able to plan on using others as backup.
Companies wanting to work in space won't be limited to Government Programs whose budgets are determined by the by the whims of people who may or may not know anything about space.
So while the Dragon has gone where 113 missions have gone before. It did something much more important. It has opened up the era of private space missions. Allowing space operations to expand exponentially.
I think Elon Musk has reason to be “puff”ed up in pride.
By Darrell B. Nelson author of I KILLED THE MAN THAT WASN'T THERE
This really is a big deal. In order for space to open up there needs to be reliable transportation up and down. Since the Shuttle was retired there were only three rockets that could send things up to the ISS and one that could take things back down. Now there are four that can go up, and two that can bring things down.
Also a few other companies are planning on getting in on the act by 2015, 2017 at the latest. By 2020 when the ISS is retired any ideas for a replacement, government sponsored or private, will have a choice of supply vessels. Also they will be able to plan on using others as backup.
Companies wanting to work in space won't be limited to Government Programs whose budgets are determined by the by the whims of people who may or may not know anything about space.
So while the Dragon has gone where 113 missions have gone before. It did something much more important. It has opened up the era of private space missions. Allowing space operations to expand exponentially.
I think Elon Musk has reason to be “puff”ed up in pride.
By Darrell B. Nelson author of I KILLED THE MAN THAT WASN'T THERE
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
A TALE OF TWO MARKETS
My writing post is up, I talk about ebooks vs. print books. A TALE OF TWO MARKETS
By Darrell B. Nelson author of I KILLED THE MAN THAT WASN'T THERE
By Darrell B. Nelson author of I KILLED THE MAN THAT WASN'T THERE
Monday, May 21, 2012
Superpower Poll
Last week I asked which religion is the most homo-erotic. It was unanimous: Christianity – You are asked to get on your knees and take the body of a man into your mouth. (Thanks Stephen Colbert for that description) is the most homo-erotic religion.
I didn't ask but I'm sure most people would find that Unitarian's tradition of having homosexuals get married must be the least homo-erotic. Going to supper at any married couples house and seeing how boring (to an outsider) they are is about the worst advertisement for long term relationships, ever! Yet people still get married.
On to the next poll:
It seems that the Avengers movie came out. I know this because everyone asks the question what superpower would you like to have?
As much as I love the idea of having Iron Man or Batman's ability to inherit vast sums of money, I had to think of the other superpowers seen in movies. Naturally I couldn't just stick to Superhero movies and thought of the superpowers in other movies. Here are some:
Superhealing
The ability to get in a fight that should send you to the hospital, and have all your cuts bruises gone in the next scene. This is an incredible superpower that most of the characters in action movies have.
Instant Clean-up
Being able to pull yourself out of any liquid sticky mess, have your clothes cleaned and pressed, and hair and make-up expertly done. In Star Wars they could say “the force” cleaned them up after they escaped from the garbage pile, in most other movies it's just a unmentioned superpower.
Hack non-computer powered systems.
The power to use a laptop to hack anything, even things that aren't powered by computers. “24” loved to do this, villains would hack the natural gas pipelines or nuclear reactors (Yes nuclear reactors do have computers, but in the US the ones controlling the core haven't been updated since the 70s so instructions from modern computers would overload them). With the awesome power that these hackers have they could easily get rid of their enemies. “Oh no, they've just hacked into the major support beam for this building!”
Faith powered vehicles.
In “Dante's Peak” Pierce Bronson could jump in any car, or boat, and take it through the worst environment imaginable and it would last long enough to get him to the other side. It “D-Wars Dragon Wars” military helicopters were exploding left and right from the fireballs the dragons threw at them, but the mid-sized Hyundai had such great fire suppression technology that the “heroes?” survived.
Knowing how to use, and fix, any technology.
Will Smith could jump in the cockpit of a alien spacecraft and just make one mistake. I borrowed a friend's car the other day and was stumped because it didn't use a key to start. This is a power that they had back in the 50s. In the serial “Commando Cody” they flew to the Moon, found a broken Mooncar left by the Moonmen and the sidekick took two minutes to fix it.
Those are five Superpowers that I've seen in the movies that I would love to have. Which is your favorite?
As always vote on the upper left hand side of the page.
By Darrell B. Nelson author of I KILLED THE MAN THAT WASN'T THERE
I didn't ask but I'm sure most people would find that Unitarian's tradition of having homosexuals get married must be the least homo-erotic. Going to supper at any married couples house and seeing how boring (to an outsider) they are is about the worst advertisement for long term relationships, ever! Yet people still get married.
On to the next poll:
It seems that the Avengers movie came out. I know this because everyone asks the question what superpower would you like to have?
As much as I love the idea of having Iron Man or Batman's ability to inherit vast sums of money, I had to think of the other superpowers seen in movies. Naturally I couldn't just stick to Superhero movies and thought of the superpowers in other movies. Here are some:
Superhealing
The ability to get in a fight that should send you to the hospital, and have all your cuts bruises gone in the next scene. This is an incredible superpower that most of the characters in action movies have.
Instant Clean-up
Being able to pull yourself out of any liquid sticky mess, have your clothes cleaned and pressed, and hair and make-up expertly done. In Star Wars they could say “the force” cleaned them up after they escaped from the garbage pile, in most other movies it's just a unmentioned superpower.
Hack non-computer powered systems.
The power to use a laptop to hack anything, even things that aren't powered by computers. “24” loved to do this, villains would hack the natural gas pipelines or nuclear reactors (Yes nuclear reactors do have computers, but in the US the ones controlling the core haven't been updated since the 70s so instructions from modern computers would overload them). With the awesome power that these hackers have they could easily get rid of their enemies. “Oh no, they've just hacked into the major support beam for this building!”
Faith powered vehicles.
In “Dante's Peak” Pierce Bronson could jump in any car, or boat, and take it through the worst environment imaginable and it would last long enough to get him to the other side. It “D-Wars Dragon Wars” military helicopters were exploding left and right from the fireballs the dragons threw at them, but the mid-sized Hyundai had such great fire suppression technology that the “heroes?” survived.
Knowing how to use, and fix, any technology.
Will Smith could jump in the cockpit of a alien spacecraft and just make one mistake. I borrowed a friend's car the other day and was stumped because it didn't use a key to start. This is a power that they had back in the 50s. In the serial “Commando Cody” they flew to the Moon, found a broken Mooncar left by the Moonmen and the sidekick took two minutes to fix it.
Those are five Superpowers that I've seen in the movies that I would love to have. Which is your favorite?
As always vote on the upper left hand side of the page.
By Darrell B. Nelson author of I KILLED THE MAN THAT WASN'T THERE
Sunday, May 20, 2012
Shut-up Stupid Sunday: Allies and Enemies
There is a video that went viral going around the Internet of a lady at a town hall meeting on gay rights spouting out crazy things. She had a reason to spout out crazy things. She was a delusional schizophrenic who was off her meds. Her children told reporters that she was under their care and couldn't live alone. She had just wandered off and walked into the town hall meeting while they were looking for her.
She has a good excuse. The other people at the meeting, not so much. If you look at the audience only two guys seemed to notice that there was something wrong. They started passing notes back and forth grinning.
The looks on the faces of the rest show what is wrong with politics today.
The Progressives in the crowd just rolled their eyes and thought, “It's the same old shit. Hillary Clinton was a lesbian and the gays are working with the Bilderberg Group to control the media.”
The Conservatives just nodded and thought, “Well I hadn't heard that, but it doesn't surprise me.”
Humans are social animals, that means it is instinctive to choose sides and stick with the people on your side. No matter how bat-shit crazy they are. But we also have the ability to think for ourselves. But we tend to forget that.
I've posted before how I hate the “both sides do it” argument, but in this case it is true.
I am on both the oil industry and the nuclear industry's watchlists because of some of the things I've written on this blog. You would think that would put me high up on the environmental bloggers lists. Except they hate me.
I've blogged about how some environmentalists are talking about a 18 to 22 degree warming, which is nonsense. The real projections are bad enough. The myth about how organic food that is shipped in from other states is better (it's not). And a few other sacred cows of the environmental movement.
Back in business school (in the 80s when it was about production and reaching consumers, not just how to move money around) we had a word for this Groupthink. Going along with the group becomes more important than the reality.
The cause for most man made disasters can be traced back to Groupthink. In the last century millions have died because of it. Hitler invaded the Soviet Union because his Generals told him it was a weak economic power. They excluded any one who studied military history and invaded the exact same way Napoleon did and got the same results. LBJ invaded Vietnam because his advisors said a bunch of peasants couldn't stand up to the biggest military in the world. George W Bush's main advisor Karl Rove called his critics, “The reality based community” and actively scorned people who pointed out the reality of the situation. We can see how that turned out.
The problem is, as social animals our brains are wired to reward those who go along with groupthink. In the case of the delusional schizophrenic speaking at the town hall meeting. The Progressives who met with their friends afterwards and said, “Man those conservatives are really crazy.” Got rewarded with by having his friends agree with him. The endorphins flowed through his brain making him feel good to be one of the crowd.
If that same Progressive questioned the weird rantings and approached the Conservatives after and politely asked, “Do you really believe that the gays and the Bilderberg Group control the media?” He would probably get some embarrassed looks and they'd say, “Well that's a little extreme.” He'd go back to his group and they'd all be bummed they didn't have something new to pick on the other group for.
On the other side, if one of the Conservatives asked, “That lady was way out there right? Nobody believes that.” He would bum out the whole group. By saying nothing the next time they heard something a little less crazy they would think, “Well they do control the media with the Bilderberg Group.”
The way the human brain is wired, it's hard to go against our friends, or reach out to our enemies. When I write this series and I correct people who support an issue that I support, but are wrong on something, I feel bad. Worse, I often run across bloggers who I respect and consider friends who repeat a debunked myth and I post about it.
However I have studied some history and the worst disasters come, not from peoples intentions but, from people ignoring the critics.
Penn Jillette outlined his approach to a strategy session, “Write it down, and shoot it down.” Come up with an idea and look for all the flaws in it. Go with the idea that has the fewest flaws. If you don't, you treat everything equal and you can have a delusional schizophrenic speaking for your group.
Normally I end posts in this series by saying, “Shut-up Stupid...” (it is the title after all.) But this time I'm going to end it by asking people not to shut-up. If you feel something someone said, ally or foe, is wrong, speak up. If I'm wrong about something, I often am, let me know. The human brain maybe wired against criticizing people on “our side” but that pro-social behavior can lead to more harm than outright anti-social behavior.
By Darrell B. Nelson author of I KILLED THE MAN THAT WASN'T THERE
She has a good excuse. The other people at the meeting, not so much. If you look at the audience only two guys seemed to notice that there was something wrong. They started passing notes back and forth grinning.
The looks on the faces of the rest show what is wrong with politics today.
The Progressives in the crowd just rolled their eyes and thought, “It's the same old shit. Hillary Clinton was a lesbian and the gays are working with the Bilderberg Group to control the media.”
The Conservatives just nodded and thought, “Well I hadn't heard that, but it doesn't surprise me.”
Humans are social animals, that means it is instinctive to choose sides and stick with the people on your side. No matter how bat-shit crazy they are. But we also have the ability to think for ourselves. But we tend to forget that.
I've posted before how I hate the “both sides do it” argument, but in this case it is true.
I am on both the oil industry and the nuclear industry's watchlists because of some of the things I've written on this blog. You would think that would put me high up on the environmental bloggers lists. Except they hate me.
I've blogged about how some environmentalists are talking about a 18 to 22 degree warming, which is nonsense. The real projections are bad enough. The myth about how organic food that is shipped in from other states is better (it's not). And a few other sacred cows of the environmental movement.
Back in business school (in the 80s when it was about production and reaching consumers, not just how to move money around) we had a word for this Groupthink. Going along with the group becomes more important than the reality.
The cause for most man made disasters can be traced back to Groupthink. In the last century millions have died because of it. Hitler invaded the Soviet Union because his Generals told him it was a weak economic power. They excluded any one who studied military history and invaded the exact same way Napoleon did and got the same results. LBJ invaded Vietnam because his advisors said a bunch of peasants couldn't stand up to the biggest military in the world. George W Bush's main advisor Karl Rove called his critics, “The reality based community” and actively scorned people who pointed out the reality of the situation. We can see how that turned out.
The problem is, as social animals our brains are wired to reward those who go along with groupthink. In the case of the delusional schizophrenic speaking at the town hall meeting. The Progressives who met with their friends afterwards and said, “Man those conservatives are really crazy.” Got rewarded with by having his friends agree with him. The endorphins flowed through his brain making him feel good to be one of the crowd.
If that same Progressive questioned the weird rantings and approached the Conservatives after and politely asked, “Do you really believe that the gays and the Bilderberg Group control the media?” He would probably get some embarrassed looks and they'd say, “Well that's a little extreme.” He'd go back to his group and they'd all be bummed they didn't have something new to pick on the other group for.
On the other side, if one of the Conservatives asked, “That lady was way out there right? Nobody believes that.” He would bum out the whole group. By saying nothing the next time they heard something a little less crazy they would think, “Well they do control the media with the Bilderberg Group.”
The way the human brain is wired, it's hard to go against our friends, or reach out to our enemies. When I write this series and I correct people who support an issue that I support, but are wrong on something, I feel bad. Worse, I often run across bloggers who I respect and consider friends who repeat a debunked myth and I post about it.
However I have studied some history and the worst disasters come, not from peoples intentions but, from people ignoring the critics.
Penn Jillette outlined his approach to a strategy session, “Write it down, and shoot it down.” Come up with an idea and look for all the flaws in it. Go with the idea that has the fewest flaws. If you don't, you treat everything equal and you can have a delusional schizophrenic speaking for your group.
Normally I end posts in this series by saying, “Shut-up Stupid...” (it is the title after all.) But this time I'm going to end it by asking people not to shut-up. If you feel something someone said, ally or foe, is wrong, speak up. If I'm wrong about something, I often am, let me know. The human brain maybe wired against criticizing people on “our side” but that pro-social behavior can lead to more harm than outright anti-social behavior.
By Darrell B. Nelson author of I KILLED THE MAN THAT WASN'T THERE
Friday, May 18, 2012
Fun With Shorts: Family Life
This is a short Josh Way made about a year ago. He riffs the 1949 Coronet short, “Family Life”.
One thing these old Educational shorts commonly did was have multiple narrators. I remember during high school how irritating that was. Believe it or not this was not the worse example of the time.
In this short the mom gets sick of her whiny ass family and comes up with a simple guide to a healthy and balanced family life. Which Josh explains at 4:11 in the short:
Guides to Home Management:
1.Schedule (Leave me alone)
2.Responsibilities (Do it yourself)
3.Privileges (Hands off my stuff)
4.Finances (Leave me alone)
The family expands on this pointing out that all the troubles in the family are caused by the Mother and Daughter not doing their chores. Simple!
Later they go on to Budgeting. They discover that as long as the women sacrifice their hopes and dreams the family can take a vacation. Whoo-ho!
My favorite line:
They figured out as a family they wanted to have fun, who doesn't?
Mormons.
Overall:
This is classic Josh Way. Like always his observations are on point and funny. The short is really, really horrible. With this one his timing is great.
Josh has a lot of shorts like this and in the coming weeks I'll be showing them. I hope you enjoy them.
By Darrell B. Nelson author of I KILLED THE MAN THAT WASN'T THERE
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
Reviews!
There is nothing that boosts a writer's ego like a good review. Here is what Matthew Morrison had to say about, AN EXTRA TOPPING OF HORROR:
An Extra Topping of Horror – Guest Review by Matthew Morrison
This one has it all: ALIENS! PIZZA! TIME TRAVEL! A 50 FOOT CAT!
In An Extra Topping of Horror, Darrell B. Nelson takes over a sleepy little town and makes it the nexus of a rambling series of loosely connected (by time) vignettes. It’s almost as if Stephen King’s character, Roland, in The Drawing of the Three sat down to a palaver with a John “Johnny Wad” Homes about the merits and detriments of applied String Theory, and somehow Mr. Nelson (no doubt, disguised as a lobster monstrosity) managed to record their conversation. If one looks beyond the plethora of interplanetary inter play, in the end, this is a love story in reverse at least for one of the pair of lovers.
I will place An Extra Topping of Horror on the shelf between the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams and the Talisman by Peter Straub, just beneath my massive collection of Rodox!
His review was posted on:
Martha Cheves blog “A Book and a Dish”.
http://marthaskitchenkorner.blogspot.com (A Book and a Dish)
http://marthaatkitchenkorner.blogspot.com (Martha's Kitchen Korner)
http://marthasrecipecabinet.blogspot.com (Martha's Recipe Cabinet)
http://stirlaughrepeatcookbook.blogspot.com (Cookbook Site)
And if you like to cook and are looking for indie books to read, you can check out her book, A BOOK AND A DISH at Amazon.
That really inflates my ego. It also gives me an idea for an other story. What if someone's ego got so inflated that it threatened a town. The only one who could save them was a Pizza Delivery Driver named Brian and an over-affectionate houseplant named Audrey?
Thanks for the review Matthew.
By Darrell B. Nelson author of I KILLED THE MAN THAT WASN'T THERE
Monday, May 14, 2012
Who's afraid of the Rhythm? No one apparently
In my last poll I asked about creepy song lyrics. The Monkeys, #1 Crush and Where the Wild Roses Grow all got a vote. No one worried that the Rhythm was going to get them. I've got some brave readers.
Some people in RL asked, what about that song from the Police?
Which one?
Um, any of them.
I didn't add the Police because they pretty much have creepy covered. Stalking, Pedophilia, Femdom, Cuckholdry, Domnicide, Love sick suicide. I really think they broke up because they ran out of creepy things to put in their albums.
Stephanie asked what about Barney? Being the friend you don't tell mom about.
That is pretty creepy. But I only know the twisted lyrics that kids used to sing.
I love you, you love me.
Homosexuality.
People say, We are friends.
But we're really lesbians.
In that vein, todays poll is about homo-erotic religions.
Which ritual is the most homo-erotic?
Christianity – You are asked to get on your knees and take the body of a man into your mouth.
Muslim – You go into a room for men only, form a line, get on your knees and put your butt in the air.
Buddhism – After a good round of stretching, you kneel down and put your head on the ground.
Unitarianism – Homosexuals get married, spend the rest of their lives together complaining about their jobs, that there is nothing on TV, and worry about their lawns.
As always vote on the upper left hand side of the page.
By Darrell B. Nelson author of I KILLED THE MAN THAT WASN'T THERE
Some people in RL asked, what about that song from the Police?
Which one?
Um, any of them.
I didn't add the Police because they pretty much have creepy covered. Stalking, Pedophilia, Femdom, Cuckholdry, Domnicide, Love sick suicide. I really think they broke up because they ran out of creepy things to put in their albums.
Stephanie asked what about Barney? Being the friend you don't tell mom about.
That is pretty creepy. But I only know the twisted lyrics that kids used to sing.
I love you, you love me.
Homosexuality.
People say, We are friends.
But we're really lesbians.
In that vein, todays poll is about homo-erotic religions.
Which ritual is the most homo-erotic?
Christianity – You are asked to get on your knees and take the body of a man into your mouth.
Muslim – You go into a room for men only, form a line, get on your knees and put your butt in the air.
Buddhism – After a good round of stretching, you kneel down and put your head on the ground.
Unitarianism – Homosexuals get married, spend the rest of their lives together complaining about their jobs, that there is nothing on TV, and worry about their lawns.
As always vote on the upper left hand side of the page.
By Darrell B. Nelson author of I KILLED THE MAN THAT WASN'T THERE
Sunday, May 13, 2012
Shut-up Stupid Sunday: Gay haters are closet homosexuals
There is an old study that surfaces on progressive web sites from time to time that “proves” people who hate gays are really closet homosexuals. The problem with this is it was a flawed study. In reality not all the haters are sexually repressed. Some of them are just assholes and some are ignorant. I bet they are glad I'm defending them.
The study was done in the 60s and monitored men, who said they were anti-gay, as they watched a gay porno. Researchers found that the subjects heart rates increased, and their scrotum hardened just like if they were aroused. However that is the same reaction that a person gets when angry.
To make the study even more flawed, it was done in the sixties. Film costs were high, $100,000 for a cheap film. Distribution was limited. Gay pornos of the time needed to all out hardcore to get guys in the theater. The subjects were showing disgust, not arousal.
Most of the gay pornos of the time only still exist in college psych departments. A recent study that used these old films “showed” self-identified bisexuals preferred straight sex. Then they looked at what they were comparing. Modern DVD's from Vivid vs. the old stock they had from the sixties. They found even gay men didn't like films of two ugly dudes humping away without even saying, “hi” to each other. Go figure.
When comparing modern gay pornos to modern straight pornos they found bisexuals had similar responses. All the old study found out was that gay films, that most gays found disgusting, were disgusting to people who are anti-gay.
Looking at speeches by Focus on the Family's Bryan Fischer saying, “Gays have an average of 500 partners... (That's an average some are slackers and only have 200, some go all out and have 800)...and have sex in public bathrooms and parks...(so do hetros)...” you have to wonder if he is giving an anti-gay speech or pitching his latest slash-fic story. I'd seriously hate to be in the front row of one of his speeches. If he gets too excited about the horrors of “the gays” it would be like a Gallagher concert. Everyone hiding behind plastic sheets.
Guys like that really do have to worry that gay marriage will threaten their straight marriage. You know this dude can't get it up unless he is complaining about all the imagined things that “the gays” are doing in the bedroom. I just really hope his wife is into slash-fic as he describes all the things “the gays” are doing while he boffs her.
But a lot of the haters aren't closeted homosexuals like Fischer or Marcus Bachmann who believes all you have to do to get rid of “the gay” is get on your knees and take the body of a man in your mouth. A lot of them are just assholes.
The same people who are bullies in school take that attitude with them into adult life. They think as long as they have someone to look down on it builds them up. They are wrong, but that's the thinking.
Most anti-gay people aren't haters at all, just ignorant. I mean that in the nicest possible way.
The same people that will vote against gay marriage have no idea that gay people don't have the minimum civil protections in this country. Most of them simply don't know that in most of the country a person can be fired or evicted from an apartment, just for being gay. That is why the gay rights movement gained ground so quickly, the majority of people didn't know this and once they started learning about it they were shocked.
So to all progressive friends who stumble on the old studies from the sixties “showing” that gay haters are repressed homosexuals, I say (with all respect), “Shut up Stupid, that study is seriously flawed. The people who publicly hate gays are a combination of sexually repressed people and assholes that want to be bullies. You aren't going to reach these people pointing out a flawed study. The vast majority of people, even those in the anti-gay movement, simply don't know that gays aren't given the minimum civil protections granted to everyone else. Once the supporters of anti-gay legislation learn about that, they stop supporting the mental cases who either read their slash-fic publicly or are just bullies. Once those people see no one stands behind them they can go get the mental health help they need.”
By Darrell B. Nelson author of I KILLED THE MAN THAT WASN'T THERE
The study was done in the 60s and monitored men, who said they were anti-gay, as they watched a gay porno. Researchers found that the subjects heart rates increased, and their scrotum hardened just like if they were aroused. However that is the same reaction that a person gets when angry.
To make the study even more flawed, it was done in the sixties. Film costs were high, $100,000 for a cheap film. Distribution was limited. Gay pornos of the time needed to all out hardcore to get guys in the theater. The subjects were showing disgust, not arousal.
Most of the gay pornos of the time only still exist in college psych departments. A recent study that used these old films “showed” self-identified bisexuals preferred straight sex. Then they looked at what they were comparing. Modern DVD's from Vivid vs. the old stock they had from the sixties. They found even gay men didn't like films of two ugly dudes humping away without even saying, “hi” to each other. Go figure.
When comparing modern gay pornos to modern straight pornos they found bisexuals had similar responses. All the old study found out was that gay films, that most gays found disgusting, were disgusting to people who are anti-gay.
Looking at speeches by Focus on the Family's Bryan Fischer saying, “Gays have an average of 500 partners... (That's an average some are slackers and only have 200, some go all out and have 800)...and have sex in public bathrooms and parks...(so do hetros)...” you have to wonder if he is giving an anti-gay speech or pitching his latest slash-fic story. I'd seriously hate to be in the front row of one of his speeches. If he gets too excited about the horrors of “the gays” it would be like a Gallagher concert. Everyone hiding behind plastic sheets.
Guys like that really do have to worry that gay marriage will threaten their straight marriage. You know this dude can't get it up unless he is complaining about all the imagined things that “the gays” are doing in the bedroom. I just really hope his wife is into slash-fic as he describes all the things “the gays” are doing while he boffs her.
But a lot of the haters aren't closeted homosexuals like Fischer or Marcus Bachmann who believes all you have to do to get rid of “the gay” is get on your knees and take the body of a man in your mouth. A lot of them are just assholes.
The same people who are bullies in school take that attitude with them into adult life. They think as long as they have someone to look down on it builds them up. They are wrong, but that's the thinking.
Most anti-gay people aren't haters at all, just ignorant. I mean that in the nicest possible way.
The same people that will vote against gay marriage have no idea that gay people don't have the minimum civil protections in this country. Most of them simply don't know that in most of the country a person can be fired or evicted from an apartment, just for being gay. That is why the gay rights movement gained ground so quickly, the majority of people didn't know this and once they started learning about it they were shocked.
So to all progressive friends who stumble on the old studies from the sixties “showing” that gay haters are repressed homosexuals, I say (with all respect), “Shut up Stupid, that study is seriously flawed. The people who publicly hate gays are a combination of sexually repressed people and assholes that want to be bullies. You aren't going to reach these people pointing out a flawed study. The vast majority of people, even those in the anti-gay movement, simply don't know that gays aren't given the minimum civil protections granted to everyone else. Once the supporters of anti-gay legislation learn about that, they stop supporting the mental cases who either read their slash-fic publicly or are just bullies. Once those people see no one stands behind them they can go get the mental health help they need.”
By Darrell B. Nelson author of I KILLED THE MAN THAT WASN'T THERE
Friday, May 11, 2012
Fun with Shorts
I'm going to try and start a new feature on Project Savior, who knows how well it will go.
One of the quotes that really inspires me is this:
Here’s to the crazy ones. The rebels. The troublemakers. The ones who see things differently. While some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do. - Apple's 1984 commercial "Think Different"
I'm going to start reviewing the works of the crazy ones. The ones who see things differently.
To start off, I'll look at the works of Josh Way.
If you're a MST3K fan, you will love his work. If you aren't you'll look at this short and go, “huh?”
MST3K (Mystery Science Theater 3000) riffed really bad movies. Later the team started rifftrax and make sound tracks that pick on popular movies.
Josh Way is a fan who started doing his own riffing of Public Domain Shorts. I find them super funny. So I will review them.
Fun With Shorts: Tomorrow’s Drivers, Narrated by Jimmy Stewart!
The short itself:
The big thing about this Jam Handy production is Jimmy Stewart must have owed someone a favor because he does the voice over. A big win for Jam Handy and whatever students and teachers that had to watch this thing. A bit of a loss for people making fun of it. Stewart does manage to bring what would be a horrible short up to mediocre.
Josh's riff:
Josh has fun with this, but the short isn't as bad as most Jam Handy Productions. So he has less to work with. My favorite line was:
Stewart: The club gives the older boys a place to release their youthful energy.
Josh: Eewww!
Overall:
Josh makes this short funny, but since the short is mediocre instead of dreadful it's not the best Fun with Shorts. Still it's entertaining.
In the coming weeks I'll review some of the ones that were a lot funnier.
By Darrell B. Nelson author of I KILLED THE MAN THAT WASN'T THERE
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Dumb Answers to S**t people say to writers
Lev Rephael wrote, S**t People Say to writers I thought I'd respond.
Have you been published?
This is when Karen Allen of Raiders of the Lost Ark would shout out, “Indie!”
What do you write?
I mostly take the same 26 letters combine them with punctuation and rearrange them. Sometimes I throw numbers and stuff in as well.
Do you have, like, a real job?
I don't spend a lot of time in the real world.
I don't read much.
That's okay, I use the word, “Much” sparingly.
Do you know Stephen King? What's he like?
Yeah, we hang out all the time.
You should write a book about my life, it's a bestseller for sure.
Really, I was on the FBI's watchlist from the day I was born because Bobby Kennedy brought my dad before the “committee on un-American activities”. Eleven of my last Fourteen Employers went to jail, including one of America's “Top Psychics” who never saw that coming. But I'm sure your life is interesting too.
I'm gonna write someday, when I have free time.
I get my time when it's on sale.
My sister likes to read. Have you written anything she would know?
Just the note I left with the money on her nightstand.
You write novels? I only read stuff that's real.
Next time I'm in reality I'll write about it.
I read your book. It was... interesting.
Disturbing is the word I usually get.
My mother loves your books.
Thanks, Sis.
I've got a great story for you!
Does it involve a time traveling pirate, who has to save the world from the unholy kitten army?
I thought books were dead.
I try to bring my scenes to life.
You should write a screenplay! That's where all the money is.
All of it? Not a cent anywhere else?
By Darrell B. Nelson author of I KILLED THE MAN THAT WASN'T THERE
Have you been published?
This is when Karen Allen of Raiders of the Lost Ark would shout out, “Indie!”
What do you write?
I mostly take the same 26 letters combine them with punctuation and rearrange them. Sometimes I throw numbers and stuff in as well.
Do you have, like, a real job?
I don't spend a lot of time in the real world.
I don't read much.
That's okay, I use the word, “Much” sparingly.
Do you know Stephen King? What's he like?
Yeah, we hang out all the time.
You should write a book about my life, it's a bestseller for sure.
Really, I was on the FBI's watchlist from the day I was born because Bobby Kennedy brought my dad before the “committee on un-American activities”. Eleven of my last Fourteen Employers went to jail, including one of America's “Top Psychics” who never saw that coming. But I'm sure your life is interesting too.
I'm gonna write someday, when I have free time.
I get my time when it's on sale.
My sister likes to read. Have you written anything she would know?
Just the note I left with the money on her nightstand.
You write novels? I only read stuff that's real.
Next time I'm in reality I'll write about it.
I read your book. It was... interesting.
Disturbing is the word I usually get.
My mother loves your books.
Thanks, Sis.
I've got a great story for you!
Does it involve a time traveling pirate, who has to save the world from the unholy kitten army?
I thought books were dead.
I try to bring my scenes to life.
You should write a screenplay! That's where all the money is.
All of it? Not a cent anywhere else?
By Darrell B. Nelson author of I KILLED THE MAN THAT WASN'T THERE
Monday, May 7, 2012
Creepy Lyrics
My last poll surprised me a little. Like all kids when I was young I built some little forts. Like a 12' by 8' log cabin. To do that I needed basic math skills. I've always thought math was important. But thinking about it, having a portion of the population that doesn't know any math won't doom society. But other things kids learn in public schools would.
Work skills – The number of unskilled jobs is shrinking, even most minimum wage jobs need the employees to read. So it got a vote.
Reading – The time when civilization could get by without communicating through reading and writing is long passed. The way people text these days, verbal communication might be dead first.
Social Skills – The home-schoolers who end up pissing themselves because they've never been taught ask where the bathroom is, are very annoying. But homeschooled adults lack social skills as well. I've had to train people and not knowing their skill level I cover everything. Public school education teaches people when being trained something stupid to say, “Okay... I see... I think I can handle that.” I learned in public school that this is a polite way of saying, “Hurry it up, stupid.”
The home-schoolers I've trained never learned these skills and have the attitude that if I know the basics I can get the advanced stuff. Fail miserably and then have to be shown again.
I've known more than my share of people with Asperger's Syndrome, a mental condition where the person can't understand non-verbal language making them seem anti-social. I'd rather deal with them than most home schoolers.
On to the next poll:
I was listening to “Hey, Hey We're the Monkeys” the other day and heard this line:
Anytime, or Anywhere...
Just look over your shoulder...
And we'll be standing there.
I've been paranoid ever since.
I was just getting to the point where I didn't worry Davy Jones was stalking me when Gloria Estefan told me that:
The Rhythm is going to get you.
What did I ever do to it?
Switching over to a more Juliet feel I turned to Garbage #1 Crush:
Violate all The love that I'm missing
Throw away all the pain that I'm living
You will believe in me
And I can never be ignored
Not trying to ignore you, just checking you for weapons.
Maybe I should think more international so I tried a song about Wild Roses, what could be more romantic than that?
Where the Wild Roses Grow:
On the last day I took her where the wild roses grow
And she lay on the bank, the wind light as a thief
As I kissed her goodbye, I said, 'All beauty must die'
And lent down and planted a rose between her teeth
Which is creepiest?
As always vote on the upper left hand side of the page.
By Darrell B. Nelson author of I KILLED THE MAN THAT WASN'T THERE
Work skills – The number of unskilled jobs is shrinking, even most minimum wage jobs need the employees to read. So it got a vote.
Reading – The time when civilization could get by without communicating through reading and writing is long passed. The way people text these days, verbal communication might be dead first.
Social Skills – The home-schoolers who end up pissing themselves because they've never been taught ask where the bathroom is, are very annoying. But homeschooled adults lack social skills as well. I've had to train people and not knowing their skill level I cover everything. Public school education teaches people when being trained something stupid to say, “Okay... I see... I think I can handle that.” I learned in public school that this is a polite way of saying, “Hurry it up, stupid.”
The home-schoolers I've trained never learned these skills and have the attitude that if I know the basics I can get the advanced stuff. Fail miserably and then have to be shown again.
I've known more than my share of people with Asperger's Syndrome, a mental condition where the person can't understand non-verbal language making them seem anti-social. I'd rather deal with them than most home schoolers.
On to the next poll:
I was listening to “Hey, Hey We're the Monkeys” the other day and heard this line:
Anytime, or Anywhere...
Just look over your shoulder...
And we'll be standing there.
I've been paranoid ever since.
I was just getting to the point where I didn't worry Davy Jones was stalking me when Gloria Estefan told me that:
The Rhythm is going to get you.
What did I ever do to it?
Switching over to a more Juliet feel I turned to Garbage #1 Crush:
Violate all The love that I'm missing
Throw away all the pain that I'm living
You will believe in me
And I can never be ignored
Not trying to ignore you, just checking you for weapons.
Maybe I should think more international so I tried a song about Wild Roses, what could be more romantic than that?
Where the Wild Roses Grow:
On the last day I took her where the wild roses grow
And she lay on the bank, the wind light as a thief
As I kissed her goodbye, I said, 'All beauty must die'
And lent down and planted a rose between her teeth
Which is creepiest?
As always vote on the upper left hand side of the page.
By Darrell B. Nelson author of I KILLED THE MAN THAT WASN'T THERE
Sunday, May 6, 2012
Shut-Up Stupid Sunday: Anti-Education Movement
Romney was Governor of Massachusetts during the tech boom. Massachusetts had a huge built in advantage during the boom. The little state has over 100 colleges and universities. Harvard, Cambridge, MIT and a few others are known throughout the world.
With an education base like that it would be natural for tech companies to open up in Massachusetts. So Romney cut funding to education by 60%, more than an other state in the union. Massachusetts came in 47th in job growth during the tech boom.
Romney might be a flip-flopper on most issues, but he has been as constant as the northern star on denying the middle class an opportunity to improve themselves.
For the last 30 years the GOP has been nibbling away at the education system in the United States, and the Democrats have let them. The Republicans argue that because the Department of Education budget has grown from over $100 billion in 2006 to its current $68 billion with no improvement in education, it should be cut. Notice how the people who are against education don't know 100 is bigger than 68.
The assault on education reflects the views of Don McLeroy, former Chairman of the Texas State Board of Education who has said, “Someone has to stand up to the Experts!” with all their facts and figures and data and stuff. Why should we teach kids about the world when it is so much easier to believe in whatever reality we care to make.
It's time to change direction and put education as a top priority in this country. Back when education was considered important, and thanks to the GI bill, millions of young people got free educations. We went to the Moon. Now our nation is struggling to make cars that can get people to work without spending their paycheck on gas.
The cost of ignorance is high. The most successful civilization in history was the Roman Empire. At its height the Romans were called a civilization of engineers. They identified problems, transportation, clean water systems, ect and built solutions. They declined as they turned their backs on education. So when the barbarians came as they had for thousands of years, instead of turning to engineers to find ways to get the vast military to fight them, they turned to prayer and prayed God would destroy their enemies. Christianity swept over Europe in what is known as the Dark Age.
So to everyone out there who is against education, I say, “Shut-up Stupid, If you think the cost of education is too high, look at the cost of ignorance. The most successful civilizations in history have one thing in common, they have educated people to identify problems and find solutions. The world's industrial base isn't moving to China and India because of cheap unskilled labor, its moving their because of the huge amounts of skilled labor available. A highly educated workforce is the key to a productive civilization. Cutting education is the quickest way back to the Dark Age.”
By Darrell B. Nelson author of I KILLED THE MAN THAT WASN'T THERE
With an education base like that it would be natural for tech companies to open up in Massachusetts. So Romney cut funding to education by 60%, more than an other state in the union. Massachusetts came in 47th in job growth during the tech boom.
Romney might be a flip-flopper on most issues, but he has been as constant as the northern star on denying the middle class an opportunity to improve themselves.
For the last 30 years the GOP has been nibbling away at the education system in the United States, and the Democrats have let them. The Republicans argue that because the Department of Education budget has grown from over $100 billion in 2006 to its current $68 billion with no improvement in education, it should be cut. Notice how the people who are against education don't know 100 is bigger than 68.
The assault on education reflects the views of Don McLeroy, former Chairman of the Texas State Board of Education who has said, “Someone has to stand up to the Experts!” with all their facts and figures and data and stuff. Why should we teach kids about the world when it is so much easier to believe in whatever reality we care to make.
It's time to change direction and put education as a top priority in this country. Back when education was considered important, and thanks to the GI bill, millions of young people got free educations. We went to the Moon. Now our nation is struggling to make cars that can get people to work without spending their paycheck on gas.
The cost of ignorance is high. The most successful civilization in history was the Roman Empire. At its height the Romans were called a civilization of engineers. They identified problems, transportation, clean water systems, ect and built solutions. They declined as they turned their backs on education. So when the barbarians came as they had for thousands of years, instead of turning to engineers to find ways to get the vast military to fight them, they turned to prayer and prayed God would destroy their enemies. Christianity swept over Europe in what is known as the Dark Age.
So to everyone out there who is against education, I say, “Shut-up Stupid, If you think the cost of education is too high, look at the cost of ignorance. The most successful civilizations in history have one thing in common, they have educated people to identify problems and find solutions. The world's industrial base isn't moving to China and India because of cheap unskilled labor, its moving their because of the huge amounts of skilled labor available. A highly educated workforce is the key to a productive civilization. Cutting education is the quickest way back to the Dark Age.”
By Darrell B. Nelson author of I KILLED THE MAN THAT WASN'T THERE
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