6 Tips on how to save gas

Gas Crumping and the Fumes of Destiny.

1) Don’t take the muffler off your car and rev your engine outside my bedroom window at 6 in the morning.
While this piece of advise is only useful to a small segment of the population, it is a very useful gas saving tip. Not only will it save the gas that the engine uses while being reved, it will also save the gas that the ambulance uses taking your sorry ass to hospital.

2) Don’t sit and idle your car for long periods of time, especially in the middle of the road.
In other words, turn already.

3) Driving slow saves gas, but the loss of aerodynamics as I slam into you kills that savings.
Going 40 miles per hour on the interstate turns counterproductive really quick.

4) Using a lot of electric power inside your car uses up gas.
Cranking up your stereo and rolling down the windows so it can be heard miles away robs your cars gas mileage, so stop it.

5) The shortest distance between two points is a straight line.
Weaving in and out the other lane on the only straightaway for 20 miles uses more gas than driving straight and letting me pass. This can also led to the loss of aerodynamics mentioned in tip number 3.

6) Driving at steady speed is the most fuel efficient way to drive.
So when I am trying to switch lanes you use a lot of gas speeding up and slowing down to stay at my side like a Siamese twin.

If everyone followed these simple gas saving tips this summer just think of the amount of gas that would be saved.
If people don’t I will be forced to embark on my own gas saving quest, not driving to supermarket to get meat and start carving up the bad drivers I run into and put them in my cooler in my trunk.