Self-Proclaimed Experts.

One thing about the Internet is people can still write with a fair amount of anonymousness. So you pretty much have to take them at their word at first and read their stuff before judging if they are full of crap or not.

One dead give away that someone is full of crap is if they proclaim themselves to be an expert in some subject that not even the most z-listed community college would offer classes in.

The funniest thing is the Self-Proclaimed Experts don’t even think about what a normal person would think about the title they’ve given themselves. Here are six of the funniest ones I’ve found.

Infidelity Expert.
This is the honor that Stephany Alexander has bestowed upon herself without thinking about what it sounds like. It sounds like she has gotten the practice of cheating on people down to a science and that she hops in bed with any married man or woman who is willing. I haven’t checked further into her site because I’m sure it isn’t as exciting as I’m imagining.

Drug Experts.
There are many of these, and some of them probably actually have degrees and stuff, but they never thought about what it sounds like. I sounds like a person who has smoked, popped, shot up, snorted, drank, and used suppositories of every drug in the world so they can tell you which will give you the exact high you are looking for, sort of like Timothy Leary combined with Jim Carroll.

Culture Expert
You expect these guys to be working at Yoplait and Dannon working on the next greatest batch of yogurt, noble work but not the kind of thing you would think would make great TV or Radio.

Moral Experts
You would expect them to be a real life version of Stan Marsh from South Park. Able to take the strangest adventure or story and boil it down to a paragraph starting with “I’ve learned something today…”

Polling Experts
I found out the hard way that this does not mean Stripper, I was very disappointed. Nuff Said.

Posting Expert
Despite what the name sounds like, these people will not help you much when you are putting up a fence.