Thursday, August 20, 2009

That’s Dongtastic Part I

The Daily Show has pointed out how the MSM is injecting teenage slang into their broadcasts in order to be “hip”. Things like CNN’s “I’m just saying” and MSNBC’s “What the…?” segments.

I guess the idea is nothing shows off the seriousness of your topic better than using slang you’ll hear in middle schools across the country.

Here at Project Savior I strive to be on the tail end of any fad so I decided to inject “hip” new slang into my news reports. The problem is I don’t know what the new “hip” slang is. I decided to investigate.

Hanging out at the local middle school and listening in on the whispered conversations I found out the new slang phrases are “Like, is that a friend of your Dad’s?” something about a “Pedophile” and “We should probably call the cops”.

Learning these “hip” new phrases was interesting and I looked forward to learning how to put them into context, I had to cut my research short when the police showed up. I figured the presence of the Police would damper the girls talking in slang.

I thought I could just use the slang from my high school days and tested out the reactions on message boards to the old phrases like, “Bag your Face” and “Gag me with a spoon”.

The reactions I got were “Hey, aren’t you a friend of my Dad’s” and “the 80’s called, they want their lingo back.”.

I figured that wouldn’t work either so I hit the two “hippest” web sites I know, “NeuroQuantology” and “Cracked”.

Unfortunately, as hip as it is, NeuroQuantology doesn’t use a lot of slang in their discussions Quantum Physics in relationship to brain functions. So that left “Cracked”.

Cracked is a website where people can put up their high school research papers, if your high school research papers were list based and had a lot of dick jokes. Since that’s how I formatted my high school research papers and teachers indicated that they were cool by putting a big “C” on the front of them. I knew this was the place to get my new slang. (BTW: It was a great shock to me that Universities don’t use “Dick Jokes per Page” as a criteria for accepting students).

So I scoured their articles looking for hip new slang phrases and came across this article and got a hip new slang word to add to my news articles, “Dongtastic” adding this phrase to my posts will make it look like I work for CNN. So here is a quick round up of the most “Dongtastic” new items of the week.

Nancy Pelosi grew a set of balls, after Republican Senators said the Public Option in healthcare is dead, and reminded everyone that the Congress has two chambers and the house bill will contain a Public Option.

Republicans countered saying, “You’re a Nazi!” to which she replied, “You said that already.” And they replied, “You’re a Doo-Doo-head Nazi!” to which she replied, “You’ve run out of things to call me, haven’t you?” which made them stare at the ground sheepishly. (This conversation has yet to be confirmed.)

Pelosi actually acting like a house leader is Dongtastic.

Max Baucus has told everyone that he is more afraid of people, “with YouTubes” Than the people with guns. I guess the pen is mightier than the sword and the camera phone is mightier than the AK-47. That’s Dongtastic.

Barney Frank confronted a lunatic at one of his town hall meetings:

..."My question to you is, why do you continue to support a Nazi policy?" the woman asked Frank.
"On what planet do you spend most of your time?," an incredulous Frank rhetorically replied, indignantly adding "You stand there with a picture of the president defaced to look like Hitler and compare the effort to increase health care to the Nazis....Trying to have a conversation with you would be like trying to argue with a dining room table. I have no interest in doing it."

That’s Dongtastic.

ActBlue has raised over $174,500 to support Democratic Congressmen who pledge to only vote for healthcare reform if it contains the public option.

That’s Dongtastic.

There I’ve put in some news stories worth reading about and did it with CNN’s hard-hitting style of adding hip slang to the stories. That should show how that I’m a credible source.


Doctor Faustroll said...

Gotta love that Barney Frank.

I'm sure the tirade went right over that crazy biddy's head.

Dongtastic indeed.

Honkmofo said...

This is awesome!!!

Tricia said...

You're fantastic!! I love your writing so much!

P.S. Don't tell Tigger I said this, but, Tigger likes your blog as well. It make her smile and purr.

Oh, I am also glad that "cracked" has reported that Gaydar is finally being added to the diconary. :)