I was looking through my collection of paperbacks the other day and came across a gem from my misspent youth: The Stainless Steel Rat by Harry Harrison.
Harry Harrison is best known for the novel “Make Room, Make Room” that was turned into the movie: “Soylent Green (1973)” Starring Charlton Heston, about a world where the runaway greenhouse effect left the only the coasts inhabitable.
In his Stainless Steel Rat series Harrison strikes a much lighter tone as the title character is a thief in the 30th or so Century. He is recruited as an Intergalactic Spy, whose biggest weakness is his own arrogance.
He gets in to trouble by doing things like masterminding a cunning and daring escape, ducking into a vacant hotel room and then risks it all to make himself a sandwich, with side items of course.
Throughout the entire series of books he jumps from one outrageous adventure to another and always has a sense of humor about it.
I highly recommend any of The Stainless Steel Rat series when you are looking for something to brighten up your day.
I just signed up for LinkWorth to hopefully make some money. They offer a host of products to help Bloggers make a little profit off their sites. I was told they work with google’s blogger and can return a consistent revenue stream, which for most bloggers any type of money coming in would be nice. I’m sure they won’t make me a millionaire by giving me oodles of money for each click, but considering the low expenses I have on this site, any money coming in would be a profit.
One thing about the Internet is people can still write with a fair amount of anonymousness. So you pretty much have to take them at their word at first and read their stuff before judging if they are full of crap or not.
One dead give away that someone is full of crap is if they proclaim themselves to be an expert in some subject that not even the most z-listed community college would offer classes in.
The funniest thing is the Self-Proclaimed Experts don’t even think about what a normal person would think about the title they’ve given themselves. Here are six of the funniest ones I’ve found.
Infidelity Expert. This is the honor that Stephany Alexander has bestowed upon herself without thinking about what it sounds like. It sounds like she has gotten the practice of cheating on people down to a science and that she hops in bed with any married man or woman who is willing. I haven’t checked further into her site because I’m sure it isn’t as exciting as I’m imagining.
Drug Experts. There are many of these, and some of them probably actually have degrees and stuff, but they never thought about what it sounds like. I sounds like a person who has smoked, popped, shot up, snorted, drank, and used suppositories of every drug in the world so they can tell you which will give you the exact high you are looking for, sort of like Timothy Leary combined with Jim Carroll.
Culture Expert You expect these guys to be working at Yoplait and Dannon working on the next greatest batch of yogurt, noble work but not the kind of thing you would think would make great TV or Radio.
Moral Experts You would expect them to be a real life version of Stan Marsh from South Park. Able to take the strangest adventure or story and boil it down to a paragraph starting with “I’ve learned something today…”
Polling Experts I found out the hard way that this does not mean Stripper, I was very disappointed. Nuff Said.
Posting Expert Despite what the name sounds like, these people will not help you much when you are putting up a fence.
As anyone you has followed my writings that I have plastered over the Internet for the past year or so knows, I write a lot. I also just write whatever about whatever stray thing goes through my head.
Being a human often times this involves sex.
What I have been doing with my sex articles is carefully looking them over and if possible editing them to be PG-13 and posting them on writing sites to have them immediately taken down.
If I couldn’t get them to be PG-13 I would set them aside, usually before I was done writing them.
Then I wondered if there just might be a market for sex on the Internet. A quick google search confirmed this suspicion and several hours later, (I always like to do through research) and after a quick shower, I was ready to start a blogpage were I could put up my sex writings.
Adultery is part of our society according to Infidelity Expert, Stephany Alexander.(How one becomes an Infidelity Expert as opposed to just an Amateur Adulterer she doesn’t explain).
According to her 14% of women and 22% men have been unfaithful. She doesn’t say how she arrived at those statistics, I figure she just keeps a tally pad by her bed.
As a public service I’ve decided to solve the problem of Infidelity in this country and possibly the world. I will do it through Fidelity Credits.
Fidelity Credits work similar to Carbon Credits. Although complex in practice (well not really) they are simple in theory. If you plan on cheating on your spouse simply let me know and for a small fee I will have sex with my wife. I am happily married so my faithful married sex will offset your infidelity.
Naturally, this is done on a sliding scale, if you have an affair and do it doggy style or missionary the fee is quite small, (And you’re not very imaginative). For the more elaborate forms of Infidelity it will naturally be more. For instance if you plan on being unfaithful by doing your partner reverse cowgirl style while a stripper performs oral on the female, then in order to offset this, I will need the money to cover the stripper up front.
I’m sure that there are people out there that think I am a hero for taking on the burden of solving the Adultery Problem upon my self. But I just think I’m doing my part towards making the world a better place.
The main talking point that Conservatives seem to have these days is that Obama’s birth certificate is a forgery. The only one’s who seem to dispute this is pretty much everyone who has looked at it. With only little known sites like Snopes and The Associated Press doing vague stories like: "State Department of Health Declares Obama Birth Certificate Legal." - Honolulu Star-Bulletin. 31 October 2008. The lack of rebuttals to this talking point must mean Obama was not born in the United States.
Some Conservatives even use this as proof of the media’s liberal bias. After all if the press didn’t have a liberal bias they would ask would ask the Hawaii Department of Health to check to see if Obama’s Birth Certificate is Legal.
This reminds me of another story that Conservatives use to show the media’s extreme liberal bias. “Little Green Doctors” beating up Conservative candidates wives and the press not investigating it.
Back in 2004 the Honorable Senator Bunning (R-KY) was unable to go to Political Rallies due to the fact that his opponent had sent “Little Green Doctors” to assault and harass him. He said that the “Little Green Doctors” were not only after him but they had once beaten up his wife at an event that she never attended.
It was obviously only the media’s liberal bias that kept an investigation into his opponent’s connections with these “Little Green Doctors” a secret. If Dan Mongiardo’s connection to the “Little Green Doctors” had been reported in the press he never would have become Lt Governor of Kentucky.
It’s this extreme liberal bias that makes the media refuse to report on the militant Homosexual/Darwinist Agenda to stop people from saying “Merry Christmas” in retail stores that Senator Butters is proposing legislation to stop.
Looking at these cover-ups by the liberal media it becomes obvious that it is all part of an even greater conspiracy to hide the fact that Obama must be a Homosexual Alien from Outer Space.
The fact that the media doesn’t investigate this story proves that it is true.
1) Don’t take the muffler off your car and rev your engine outside my bedroom window at 6 in the morning. While this piece of advise is only useful to a small segment of the population, it is a very useful gas saving tip. Not only will it save the gas that the engine uses while being reved, it will also save the gas that the ambulance uses taking your sorry ass to hospital.
2) Don’t sit and idle your car for long periods of time, especially in the middle of the road. In other words, turn already.
3) Driving slow saves gas, but the loss of aerodynamics as I slam into you kills that savings. Going 40 miles per hour on the interstate turns counterproductive really quick.
4) Using a lot of electric power inside your car uses up gas. Cranking up your stereo and rolling down the windows so it can be heard miles away robs your cars gas mileage, so stop it.
5) The shortest distance between two points is a straight line. Weaving in and out the other lane on the only straightaway for 20 miles uses more gas than driving straight and letting me pass. This can also led to the loss of aerodynamics mentioned in tip number 3.
6) Driving at steady speed is the most fuel efficient way to drive. So when I am trying to switch lanes you use a lot of gas speeding up and slowing down to stay at my side like a Siamese twin.
If everyone followed these simple gas saving tips this summer just think of the amount of gas that would be saved. If people don’t I will be forced to embark on my own gas saving quest, not driving to supermarket to get meat and start carving up the bad drivers I run into and put them in my cooler in my trunk.
I find it interesting that any public discussion about god and religion, is dominated by the small group of people who claim to believe in a Superior Being, yet their God acts like a spoiled, abusive, bastard.
In any private discussion on the same subject people will tend to talk about a Superior Being that is better than themselves even in temperament.
Consider this thought experiment: Let’s say your version of a God is real, and there is a person who has helped others all his life, on a few occasions he even directly saved a few peoples lives (Although he doesn’t consider it heroic just something anyone would do in his place). He totally believes in a modified version of “Do on to others as you would have them do on to you.” He has added “If you were in their place.” Because he knows not everyone likes the same thing he does.
Now let’s say this nice person who has never intentional harmed anyone goes to Red Lobster and orders Lobster.
Would your God turn him away from Heaven because eating shellfish is a sin?
Would you consider him a wicked person that shouldn’t be entitled to the same respect you give others, because he eats Lobster?
If you said yes to both you are a mean and petty person.
If you believe that your God would turn someone away for not following some arcane rule that you yourself wouldn’t punish someone for, then congratulations you are better than the God you worship.
If you believe that your God isn’t interested in those little things and only cares about if a person has intentionally done good throughout their lives and intentionally avoided harming anyone, then congratulations you are following a God worthy if your worship.
In a completely unscientific survey of people I know most Protestants (and all Catholics) believe in the second type of God. Although they are unsure if an Atheist can get into heaven. But in an equally unscientific survey of preachers on the airwaves they seem to all preach the first type of God that is so unsure about himself that he needs people to follow strange and arbitrary rules to “prove” they love him or else they are punished.
To make this thought experiment even stranger, lets pretend that you want the same qualities in a mate that you envision your God having.
There are boyfriends that insist their girlfriend follows strange and arbitrary rules to “prove” their love. They set up a system of arbitrary rewards and punishments for not obeying those rules or proving their love well enough. The name for those boyfriends is usually “The Accused.”
The point I’d like to make to believers is to think about the message that the preachers on the airwaves are sending out about your God. If they are right and your God is petty, abusive, spoiled bastard do you really want to spend eternity with him, because if he is this bad during the courting phase imagine what he’ll be like during the sit around the house in soiled underwear phase.
However if your God is better than you, all you have to do is do as much intentional Good to others as possible and as little intentional bad as possible and your God will welcome you with open arms.
And what if there is no God? If you believed in a God that was better than yourself then you’ve gone around a helped a lot of people and haven’t done anything that would cause you major regrets, and that is justification within itself.
Many of the Conservative Pundits are talking about how under Obama’s healthcare plan faceless government bureaucrats, whose only concern is seeing that the maximum number of people get some treatment, will interfere with the decisions made by faceless insurance industry bureaucrats whose only concern is spending as little on treatments as possible.
What they most of them fail to mention is how this will affect individual treatment.
It comes down to basic medical research, which is handled through Government grants to the National Institutes of Health and to Universities. The money allocated to research comes from taxpayers so it is independent of the amount of people who get healthcare.
By not having to do research on the diseases that effect 16% of Americans (the 44 million uninsured) but still taking their money, more research dollars per person can go to those who are insured.
By only having to cover 84% of Americans but taking money from all Americans means better research for the diseases that hit that group.
A simple plan to provide better treatment is to allow Health Insurance Companies to exclude more people for pre-existing conditions. This would narrow the focus of research without decreasing the amount money that goes towards medical research.
The ideal pre-existing condition to exclude would be a person’s financial status. By eliminating anyone who made under $250,000 we could get the entire country paying for the research to cover only 5% of Americans (probably less after the last 8 years).
With only 5% of Americans reaping the benefits of medical research that is paid by all Americans, the amount of research money per patient would be phenomenal and they would receive the best treatment in the world.
Of course, some people might complain about their money going to support medical research that they personally will never benefit from, but those people are just being selfish. After all shouldn’t Americans be able to get the best healthcare in the world.
I recently had one of my short stories “Long Term Thinking” accepted by Ray Gun Revival a science fiction magazine that is part of the Double Edge Publishing family.
This was the third story I had submitted to them and the first one to be accepted. Having had both acceptance and rejection from Double Edge, I feel I can confidently talk about some of the pros and cons of how they treat new writers.
The biggest plus for a new writer is they have three editors who will inform the writer what they did and didn’t like about the story. For a new writer this feedback is great. Just a sentence from each one, but because they are literally “putting their money were their mouth is” I greatly value that feedback.
I get great critiques of my writing from my friends and from online writing communities that I am part of like TIBU2, Associated Content, and Xomba and the critiques are great, however the difference is with the writing sites the commentators only have to like my writing enough to want to see more, The editors at Double Edge are betting not only the money they pay for the story, but the limited space available in the magazine so I will give their comments more weight.
This feedback not only helps the writers it helps them as well, with the first story I sent them it had a “Lady or the Tiger” ending, a type of ending I personally like. In their feedback, one of the editors said they didn’t like that type of ending. I had another story on hand to send as soon as it was rejected and it has the same type ending. Needless to say I didn’t bother sending them that one and typed up a different story that they did accept. So they were spared having to read a story that they would reject, and got a different story that they liked instead.
The funny thing about editors reviews it doesn’t take them that much longer to jot down a sentence as to the main feature they liked or didn’t like than the personalized form letters other magazines send out.
For example, one magazine “Fantasy & Science Fiction” sends out formal rejection letters with my name and address followed by Dear Mr. Nelson: Thank you for submitting “Name of story” but I’m going to pass on it. This just didn’t grab (me or my interest), I’m afraid. Good luck to you with this one, and thanks again for sending it our way. Followed by their signature, in ink not photocopied. For all that effort they could have sent me a post it note saying “Not this time, didn’t like the (Whatever they didn’t like) and I would but sure not to send them something that had that same element in the next story.
The other thing I like about Double Edge is their on-line contributor tools. After submitting a story the author can go to their submissions and see what is happening with it. Most of the time it just says received, but at least the author can see that they are doing something with it.
As far as response time, for my stories they have taken a little over two months. Other magazines I’ve submitted to have a response time of anywhere between two weeks and four months. Naturally as a writer the sooner the response time the better, but two months is definitely acceptable.
As a new writer, I definitely recommend Double Edge Publishing as a place to submit your stories. They really seem to know what it is like being a new author and have set themselves up to be as writer friendly as possible.
Double Edge Publishing offers the following magazines: Ray Gun Revival: Space Opera Science Fiction. Fear and Trembling: Horror Fiction Mindflights: Fantasy and Speculation Haruah Breath of Heaven: Inspirational TeenAge: A magazine for Teens.
This article was originally posted on Project Savior in February 2005, it still holds up today four years later.
Across the country officials are pushing that Intelligent Design be taught in schools. This push that schools should throw out hundreds of years of logical conjecture based on overwhelming observable evidence is obviously part of a larger conspiracy.
1) "I think that part of education is to expose people to different schools of thought. You're asking me whether or not people ought to be exposed to different ideas, the answer is yes." --George W. Bush, President of the United States of America. If part of education is to say that a scientific theory that starts out, “For this scientific theory to work, we have to change what a scientific theory is…” And relies on the scientific proof, “Because I say so,” is valid science, Then I guess he has a point.
2) “This is not a new world, it is simply an extension of what began in the old one. It has patterned itself after every dictator who has ever planted the ripping imprint of a boot on the pages of history since the beginning of time. It has refinements , technological advancements, and a more sophisticated approach to the destruction of human freedom. But like every one of the superstates that preceded it, it has one iron rule: logic is an enemy and truth is a menace...” Rod Serling “The Twilight Zone” By changing the definition of scientific theory from “a theory is an explanation or model based on observation, experimentation, and reasoning, especially one that has been tested, gone through rigorous peer-review and confirmed as a general principle helping to explain and predict natural phenomena.” To “a theory is what ever I say it is.” It is the first step in getting rid of logic and reason out of the schools, soon to followed by removing math then the teaching logical fallacies from English class. With a generation of sheep that have no training in logic and reason the state need not even bother with the truth. Ultimately this plan will fail because thinking like that is obsolete. “Any state, any entity, any ideology that fails to recognize the worth, the dignity, the rights of man, that state is obsolete.” – Rod Serling, “The Twilight Zone”.
3) The Flying Spaghetti Monster, not only created the Earth and Stars but planted the seeds for the Torah, The Bible and all other religious roots so that he/she (What sex is a bowl of pasta?) can guide his noodly followers to a nirvana that includes a mountain, trees, and a midget. By extension The Flying Spaghetti Monster also created the Illuminati and Free Masons to congregate the wicked that will lead to the all out battle for human souls. The details of this battle is not known but it is believed to involve strainers, cheese graters, and sliced bread. This battle, involving strainers, cheese graters, other kitchen utensils, will unite the Creationists who believe that the Flying Spaghetti Monster created all things, with the people who believe that God exists in all things, The latter will convert into Frying Pantheists.
4) One of the major principals of Evolution is that species will involuntarily establish an equilibrium within their environment. You can’t spell equilibrium with out the letter Q. This is one of the many steps towards removing the letter Q from the English language.
5) Evolution relies on reproduction for changes within the species, Without using sex for reproduction, it doesn’t matter if sex is gay or straight, so it doesn’t matter if my dog is gay or not. This is obviously a plan to turn my dog gay.
6) It is part of Senator Chris Buttars’ campaign to become The Global Village Idiot. (http://www.balloon-juice.com/?p=4409).
7) A group of Wacko’s (http://www.discovery.org/csc/) believe that science is responsible for all of ills of the modern world and are using Intelligent Design as a Wedge to start to undo the advances that humans have made over the last 1000 years. Seriously they do say that here. (Caution PDF file.) (http://www.aclu.org/evolution/legal/wedgedoc.pdf)
8) By removing science and math from schools the Earth will be easy pickings for the Reptile Race.
9) By removing the idea of Quantitative Analysis, Studying the effect of something by comparing the results, It will remove the fact that Happy Dairy Cows are more productive milk producers than unhappy Dairy Cows, letting the Reptile race force the Alien Cows into torture camps.
Congratulations, becoming a Mad Scientist is a worthy career path that offers many rewards. However it does take a lot of hard work. While many mad scientists (ie: Bill Gates) got lucky and shot to the top of the Mad Scientist ladder, the typical path is much harder.
First you have to go to a Sinister School (grades 9-12) this is pretty easy, most American High Schools are designed to give anyone with a IQ of over 4 a resentment of the world.
Next need to attend an Ominous University. Universities do not turn people crazy; they just give the crazies a chance to shine. This is the place to hone your philosophy on life, preferably with its own warped and highly detailed moral code. Don’t worry if you have put no thought into the reasons why you have made a rule, the important thing is you believe your rules are superior to societies in general. (ie: Killing is wrong, unless done on alternate Tuesdays, while wearing a bandana).
After graduation you’ll probably have to get a job as Bad Tempered Tech. This is where you will practice the monotonous tasks that are important for the advancement of science, mad or otherwise. You will want to work hard to get passed this phase as quick as possible.
Hopefully, after being a Bad Tempered Tech, you can get a grant or work for a company that will bankroll the investigation of one of your scientific principals that you will need later when you are a fully accredited Mad Scientist. At this point you will be an Irate Researcher. This is actually a very important time even if it is not terribly glamorous. For instance, if your goal is to be Mad Scientist who takes over the world with a Death Ray that fires Omicron Radiation, it helps great deal if you are first an Irate Researcher who investigated Omicron Radiation.
After this you can move on and become a Deranged Theorist, This is where you can work on the mathematical principals behind the horrendous inventions that you will unleash on an unsuspecting world.
Unfortunately the pay for being a Deranged Theorist is fairly bad until one of your Theories is proven, so you will probably need a job to support yourself in the meanwhile. Most Deranged Theorists work as Evil Professors during this period in their life. While it is possible to become both an Evil Professor and Mad Scientist at the same time, it is almost necessary to wait on your plans to rule the world until after you get tenure.
Once you get tenure as a Deranged Theorist/ Evil Professor you are in a perfect position to gather up all the things you will need to become a Mad Scientist bent on conquering the world. You can make money on the side as a consultant, you can gain access to a large lab with plenty of grad students/ Henchmen. You will probably even be considered an authority in your field.
That is where you run into the final hurdle, as an authority it is hard to unleash your vengeance on the authorities as you are one of them and are on first name basis with many others. If you make it past that final hurdle you can join the ranks of the Mad Scientists.
Dear Executive in charge of Greenlighting Projects.
Whoa, How fucking stupid do you think we are? Do you really think we won’t have go and watch something that doesn’t have a number at the end of it?
Rehashing movies from old TV shows doesn’t count.
And just because you can do CGI doesn’t mean you should.
If you keep Greenlighting these truly stupid projects just based on the three factors that you seem to go by. 1. People recognize the Title. 2. People recognize the star and 3. It’s got lot’s of special effects, Then soon you’ll be subjecting your audiences to “The Facts of Life: After the Apocalypse” Starring Ray Liotta as Mrs Garrett.
Also, I think it’s great when you take a comic book and turn it into a full movie, but why do you have its sequels follow the same fucking pattern.
Superhero Movie 1: Guy gets superpowers and takes on his greatest foe.
Superhero Movie 2: Guy loses superpowers while his two greatest remaining foes team up against him.
Superhero Movie 3: Four villains (The best of what’s left) turn the superhero evil.
Superhero Movie 4: The 16 greatest remaining villains gang up on him, so he gets an ally. (Why do you make these? Not only do they suck the sweat off a dead donkey’s balls, but they tank at the box office.)
Superhero Movie 5 (I mean 1): After 10 years of looking at projects where the Superhero takes on 32 villains and hiring Gus Van Vant to direct only to find out he doesn’t do projects that don’t have nudity in them. You settle on a script. You ask the audience to forget about the last 4 movies and watch a movie where a Guy gets superpowers and takes on his greatest foe.
Did you ever once consider the reason you guys get blindsided by cheap art projects is because by the time you get done sanitizing some new guys work you end up with a piece of crap that looks the same as the last 100 pieces of crap you put out?
I’m off to buy a good porno because if I have to watch something where someone gets fucked, at least in the porno I’ll not the one being screwed.
I just came home from shopping for Valentines Day and your store put me in a great mood.
The customers in your parking were very considerate and let me into a good parking spot. Thank you for having such polite customers.
In the parking lot a woman with the most spectacular boobs walked by with her boobs at window level. Putting my wife and me in a great mood for shopping. I've never felt more welcome in going into the store.
I didn't have a chance to ask, but if the shapeliness of her boobs were due to your stores bra's and shirts then I must commend your designers.
Entering your store we were greeted by even more great boobage, which were complimented by your store's nice lighting. It is a lot softer than your competitors and really shows the boobs in the best light, so to speak.
In the condom aisle we were greeted by even more great boobs which may have caused me to overspend, but that is always easy to do as yours is one of the few stores in town that doesn't have their condoms locked up. I like the fact I don't have to go get a clerk to help.
Moving on to the electronics section, We quickly found the game we wanted and the stockgirl was very nice by stocking the lower shelves as we looked at the games on the upper shelves. This enabled me to get to a position where I could see her face level with my wife's crotch. A sight that always brings a smile to my face.
As soon as she saw we had picked out the game we wanted, she quickly helped us getting it out of it's case and bringing it to the electronics cashier who was a dead ringer for Elvis.
Luckily not the skinny plain Elvis of his really early days, or the fat drug crippled Elvis at the end. But more the Elvis in his prime, the one people think of when he was a Rock Idol.
Elvis was very professional in ringing up purchases and making sure the cleaning supplies didn't get mixed in with the food. A very good catch for an electronics cashier. He was by far the best Elvis I have ever had ring up my purchases.
Much better than the Yoko Ono look a like at your competitor's store.
Elvis seemed very sincere when he said. "Thank you very much." at the end of the sale.
Even the after the sale service was great, it seemed like great boobs came out from every aisle. There was even a good amount nice boobage in the parking lot.
I want to thank your store for giving my wife and I a great shopping experience.
We will definitely be shopping more at your store.
Here is a letter I had to send to a collection agency. I hope it gets their attention.
If you have a collection agency calling you that refuses to send you a letter stating who they are please feel free to copy this letter and send it to them.
Genpact Sevices LLC PO Box# 1969 Southgate, MI 48495 1-877-239-7495 February 4, 2009
RE: Project Savior v. Genpact Services LLC
To Whom It May Concern: Your company has been repeated calling me demanding money, I do not have an account with your company. I have repeatedly asked your representatives for your company to send a letter clearly stating who you are, what account you are attempting to collect on, and what amount you have been authorized to settle this account for. What I am asking is not unreasonable, in fact it is the minimum effort that is required by your company under the Fair Debt Collection Practices Act. Your representatives state that they know this but still refuse to send out any documentation of the alleged debt. You are currently violating the law and impinging on my Civil Liberties. I have given you numerous warnings that I will not do anything with your company until I receive a letter with minimum information required by law. Unfortunately, you leave me no choice in this matter and I must inform you that I intend invoke my rights under the FDCPA and sue your company for $1,000 dollars US. You can save yourself time and court costs by mailing to me a check for $1,000 US. If you send along legitimate proof that you are indeed collecting for a third party you may send a check made out to that party for whatever portion of the $1,000 covers that account in full and I will immediately forward it to them. The remaining portion of the $1,000 should be made out directly to me. Should you continue violate the law in this matter, I can assure you the penalties will get worse.
PS: Nothing in this letter should be construed as a refusal to pay, but a notice that your claim is being disputed by me. The inclusion of my phone number is only to help your company look up my account not authorization to continue calling me. Continued calling after I have said I will do nothing until I receive the minimum information required by law will be construed as harassment.
Recently AIG received $25 Billion from the bailout and used it to sponsor adds opposing the Employee Free Choice Act. That means that taxpayer money is being used to attack unions. If my money is going to be used to attack unions, I feel it is my duty to see that it is used wisely. So I will let companies in on the secret of how to stop a union from forming in their company.
1) The first step in keeping a union from forming in a company is to have a written, comprehensive grievance procedure that everyone from the newest hire to the company president vows to follow. By having a written grievance procedure employees know that they won’t be punished randomly at the whim of any manager, it leads to having clearly defined rules on the work floor and the ability to have a third party look over any gray areas in the work rules. Many companies complain that written grievance procedures get in the way of having managers randomly punish workers on a whim.
2) The next step in keeping out a union is to encourage employee’s to give ideas to help the company. Not only does this generate good ideas from time to time, but it makes employees feel like they are contributing to the success of the company and gives them loyalty to the company. Some companies complain that this fosters a sense of togetherness making it harder for the managers to boast about their ideas.
3) Establish clear-cut goals and plans to reach those goals, then let all the employees know about those goals and plans. This lets employees know what they are working to do and what their part in the plan is. It shows them what exactly the company wants them to do and a concrete goal to reach. Some managers worry that the workers will not need to be micro-managed and the front line managers will need to find new things to do.
4) Reward employees for hitting the goals laid out for them. This shows them that the company actually values the work they did. Some companies fear that if they show their workers that they value the work that was done it might misinterpreted as meaning that they respect their workers.
5) Reward long service. By having employees work for the company for a long time the routine tasks get handled effortlessly and more time can be devoted to innovations. Some Companies worry if a worker sticks around to long they will begin acting like they are entitled to be there.
6) Have multiple paths for career advancement. This makes employees fall into the roles that work best for their individual personalities. It lets individuals rise to the level of responsibility that fits them best, rather than have a one size fits all career path where people rise to the highest level of their incompetence and stay there. Many managers feel comfortable at their current level of incompetence.
7) Finally, do everything possible to treat every employee in the company with the dignity and respect due to a co-worker working with you to achieve a common goal. Many managers feel that doing that is the exact opposite of why they got into management.
Those are 7 steps a company can follow to keep a union from forming. There are many companies whose upper management feel that treating their workers like human beings is an impossible goal. For those companies, my only advise is to follow Home Depot and AIG’s example and run your company into the ground then cry like Home Depot’s CEO, Bernie Marcus, that giving workers the right to join a union “… is the demise of a civilization,”.
I am slowly combining my two personalities Project Savior, known on the internet for writing comments and posts and Darrell B. Nelson the semi-professional author who has had his work published in Ray Gun Revival, Distant Worlds, AlienSkin Magazine, Bewildering Stories, Cynic Magazine and the author of the collection of short stories “I Killed the Man That Wasn't There”.
Feel free to laugh with me, or at me, as I merge these two personalities in a whole being. Feel free to email me at project.savior (at) yahoo (period) com.