Monday, August 31, 2009

The Catspiracy in Outer Space

The Review of U.S. Human Space Flight Plans Committee is expected to announce that in order for NASA to continue it needs to either Go Big, or Stay Home.

In order to return to the Moon in the 20’s NASA will need approximately a $3 billion a year increase in their budget (roughly 3% of the money given to bailout banks who made really bad investments).

If NASA doesn’t continue to push space development this will give the Tigger an advantage in her quest to rule the world.

It is well known that cats are practicing how to work in zero-gee, that’s what all the acrobatic leaps are for.

Soon they will develop their own space program.


Without strong competition from NASA these Catronauts, (As well as China and India) will continue to advance in space exploration and set up a base on the Moon before NASA can.

The Moon has abundant supplies of He3 to power fusion reactors, believed to be the key element in the next energy revolution.

With the Catronauts controlling the supply of He3 (Along with China and India) the US will be dependent on them for its future energy needs.

In the next half of the century who ever controls the He3 deposits on the Moon will control the Earth.

It is in the US national security interests to make sure NASA gets back to the Moon before the Catronauts. (or China or India)

Saturday, August 29, 2009

The Catspiracy and Solar Power

Another horror I found out about the Catspiracy, Tigger’s evil plan to take over the world, is that cats are Solar Power advocates.

Whenever the sun is out you can find cats soaking in the Solar Rays. It’s clear that part of the cat’s evil plan is to have us convert a large portion of our energy use to Solar Power.

These evil cats would have us spend a fraction of what we use to kill people in the Middle East to secure a continued supply of oil, and have us spend it on Solar Power instead.

Other Solar Power advocates are pointing that for the cost of just one of the supplemental spending bills (the oops we need more money than we expected requests) in the war in Iraq, we could power the cities of New York, Los Angeles, and Chicago by solar power.

Imagine the evil of having our three biggest cities run by clean renewable power instead of using that money to kill and bomb people.

In order to squash this evil plan I hide from the cats in the shower, knowing they hate hot water. Unfortunately it is too expensive for me to use the hot water heater to escape, so I had to build and Solar Hot Water heater to get free hot water.

With my homebuilt Solar Hot Water Heater I can foil Tigger’s evil plan of making us use Solar power to have our nation be energy independent.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Save the world and fight the Catspiracy at the same time.

As part of a weekly challenge at Reduce Footprints they mention how you can save energy by shutting off your computer at night.

I started doing that a while ago to defeat the Catspiracy.

At night when you’re asleep Tigger’s evil minions sneak onto your desk and use your computer.

I discovered this plot when a cat spy that I thought I had caught in my elaborate cat trap woke me up in the middle of the night by watching Sandra Bullock movies at full volume. (I didn’t know I had that many Sandra Bullock movies before that.)

In searching to see what else the evil minion did with me computer I found out that she got onto message boards that I had favorited and typed out messages pretending to be me. Here is a sample of one of the messages she wrote:

“klsdfhaljdfg kajkf;e ajgka’g;a jg”

As you can imagine the grammar checkers on the board were all upset over that.

But according to this article it could have been worse:

Man Blames Cat For Jail Time

One of the Weapons of the Catspiracy

I found out a major weapon in Tigger’s evil plan to have cats take over the world is a method to force humans to rub their bellies.

This website, Kitty Bellies, shows how they can force humans to rub their bellies by being so damn cute.

The only the liberal squirrel army are immune to this belly rubbing ploy.

Once they force you to rub their bellies they can quickly enslave you and force you put them on your lap and rub their ears. This can leave you powerless for hours on end in a trance-like happy state.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

The Catspiracy plans on Healthcare

According to this shocking report having a cat in your home can seriously reduce your chances of a heart attack.

This is obviously part of Tigger’s evil plan to rule the world.

If you’ve been listening to the Republican positions on healthcare it is obvious that anything that puts more emphasis on prevention of illness and decreases costs is evil.

Tigger’s plan of having cute and adorable kittens invade peoples homes and lower their stress levels, leading to better health is an obvious attack on the insurance companies.

Soon cats will take over the entire healthcare system and will judge if people get treatment based on how comfy their laps are.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

An Ally in my crusade against the Catspiracy

In my attempts to foil Tigger’s evil plan to take over the world,I have found a new ally. The American Humane Society, they round up Tigger’s cat spies, Spay or Neuter them to keep them from breeding and then place them under house arrest with humans that can keep an eye on them.

If you are concerned about the Catspiracy, you can contact them to help them out on the front lines.

Make a Difference

The Buddha Diaries: High Noon, 09/01/09: A Health Care March on Washington -- Close to Home

Make a Difference

Peter Clothier at The Buddha Diaries has come up with a simple yet effective way for people who support the Public Option in Healthcare, but are actually still working and have lives, to join in on the March on Washington.

If you don’t want to get stuck with a $6 trillion deficit in the next 10 years, (The conservative $7 trillion estimate of doing nothing minus the exaggerated $1 Trillion reform will cost) then join in this protest.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Naked Chicks in a Hot Tub

The title says it all:

Saturday, August 22, 2009

So many topics, So little time

This is one of those days that I’ve got a bunch of topics in mind to write about but don’t want to take the time to sort them out and make them individual topics. So I’ll let some other bloggers handle some of the topics.


The candid blogger has painstakingly broken down a lot of the myths and lies about healthcare reform. You can read the entire series here.

The Catspiracy:

Amy Oops has shocking videos of cats training to use our technology and practicing synchronizing their movements, and even practicing how to infiltrate Kleenex boxes.
Watch this horrifying video here.

Follow-up the Dongtastic news.

One the Dongtastic stories I covered was Barney Frank responding to a lady who said he supported Nazi policies by saying, “Trying to have a conversation with you would be like trying to argue with a dining room table. I have no interest in doing it."

That had me wondering what sort of logic is going through peoples heads when they call Jews Nazis. Then I had an illuminating look at the logic of Bigotry. It basically started with a post on Eye of Polyphemus where the author launched a rather weird Ad Homien attack on the fact that I’m a Unitarian implying that Unitarians and Sex Ed are somehow contradictory. He then went on to imply that somehow Unitarians were “Anti-Christians”. I asked him about this weird logic.

He responded he doesn’t consider Unitarians Christians; fair enough, a billion Catholics don’t consider him a Christian either as he doesn’t belong to the one true religion in the church founded by Jesus Christ.

(The big difference is all the Catholics I know believe in a god that has greater judgment then men, so the final call is his. So they treat everyone, even heretics and heathens, the same as they would a Catholic on this Earth, just in case God’s final call isn’t exactly what they thought.)

I went on to ask him how that made me “Anti-Christian” as opposed to just Non-Christian and he just responded that he didn’t consider Unitarians Christians.

This showed me the great logic of bigotry, basically if your not with us your against us. There doesn’t have to be any more steps involved. This is the circular logic of a Bigot, you’re not like me, therefore you’re against me, and therefore anything I do against you is a defensive move, because you are against me, because you’re not like me.

So if you think Nazis were evil, and a Jew doesn’t share your views; that obviously means the Jew is a Nazi.

So to answer Barney Franks question as to what Planet the lady spent most of her time on? It would be the Planet of Bigotry that is located in Intolerance System.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

An awesome sight

Check out this video of Io’s shadow covering Ganymede over at Bad Astronomy.
Two Moons Circling.

Even if you’re not that into Astronomy, you got to admit it’s pretty cool.

The Catmunication Network

In my on going research into Tigger’s Catspiracy to take over the world I have discovered their super secret communication method Twitter.

This site shows how they are using Twitter communicate in their attempt to take over the world.

It even has training posters to detail how to enslave a human through cuteness.

Cuteness Mind control.

Don’t look to long or the cuteness will break down your defenses.

With this cuteness assault they can unleash their evil mind control rays that can even penetrate tin foil hats.

The horror.

That’s Dongtastic Part I

The Daily Show has pointed out how the MSM is injecting teenage slang into their broadcasts in order to be “hip”. Things like CNN’s “I’m just saying” and MSNBC’s “What the…?” segments.

I guess the idea is nothing shows off the seriousness of your topic better than using slang you’ll hear in middle schools across the country.

Here at Project Savior I strive to be on the tail end of any fad so I decided to inject “hip” new slang into my news reports. The problem is I don’t know what the new “hip” slang is. I decided to investigate.

Hanging out at the local middle school and listening in on the whispered conversations I found out the new slang phrases are “Like, is that a friend of your Dad’s?” something about a “Pedophile” and “We should probably call the cops”.

Learning these “hip” new phrases was interesting and I looked forward to learning how to put them into context, I had to cut my research short when the police showed up. I figured the presence of the Police would damper the girls talking in slang.

I thought I could just use the slang from my high school days and tested out the reactions on message boards to the old phrases like, “Bag your Face” and “Gag me with a spoon”.

The reactions I got were “Hey, aren’t you a friend of my Dad’s” and “the 80’s called, they want their lingo back.”.

I figured that wouldn’t work either so I hit the two “hippest” web sites I know, “NeuroQuantology” and “Cracked”.

Unfortunately, as hip as it is, NeuroQuantology doesn’t use a lot of slang in their discussions Quantum Physics in relationship to brain functions. So that left “Cracked”.

Cracked is a website where people can put up their high school research papers, if your high school research papers were list based and had a lot of dick jokes. Since that’s how I formatted my high school research papers and teachers indicated that they were cool by putting a big “C” on the front of them. I knew this was the place to get my new slang. (BTW: It was a great shock to me that Universities don’t use “Dick Jokes per Page” as a criteria for accepting students).

So I scoured their articles looking for hip new slang phrases and came across this article and got a hip new slang word to add to my news articles, “Dongtastic” adding this phrase to my posts will make it look like I work for CNN. So here is a quick round up of the most “Dongtastic” new items of the week.

Nancy Pelosi grew a set of balls, after Republican Senators said the Public Option in healthcare is dead, and reminded everyone that the Congress has two chambers and the house bill will contain a Public Option.

Republicans countered saying, “You’re a Nazi!” to which she replied, “You said that already.” And they replied, “You’re a Doo-Doo-head Nazi!” to which she replied, “You’ve run out of things to call me, haven’t you?” which made them stare at the ground sheepishly. (This conversation has yet to be confirmed.)

Pelosi actually acting like a house leader is Dongtastic.

Max Baucus has told everyone that he is more afraid of people, “with YouTubes” Than the people with guns. I guess the pen is mightier than the sword and the camera phone is mightier than the AK-47. That’s Dongtastic.

Barney Frank confronted a lunatic at one of his town hall meetings:

..."My question to you is, why do you continue to support a Nazi policy?" the woman asked Frank.
"On what planet do you spend most of your time?," an incredulous Frank rhetorically replied, indignantly adding "You stand there with a picture of the president defaced to look like Hitler and compare the effort to increase health care to the Nazis....Trying to have a conversation with you would be like trying to argue with a dining room table. I have no interest in doing it."

That’s Dongtastic.

ActBlue has raised over $174,500 to support Democratic Congressmen who pledge to only vote for healthcare reform if it contains the public option.

That’s Dongtastic.

There I’ve put in some news stories worth reading about and did it with CNN’s hard-hitting style of adding hip slang to the stories. That should show how that I’m a credible source.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Too Cute Not to Post

Thanks Cats,Kittens - Funny Pictures.

Killing Grandma while eating Fetuses with Hitler II

In my post Killing Grandma while eating Fetuses with Hitler I asked the question, “Is there any group out there that the Republican’s aren’t trying to offend?”

I guess some tea-bagger out there thought this was a challenge and shouted out “Heil Hitler” to an Israeli doctor who was discussing the Israeli state run healthcare system. See video

What a way to build up sympathy for your cause, compare Jews to Hitler.

For all the people out there who are equating Government Healthcare to Nazis, I want to say this:

My Grandfather died fighting the Nazis, he volunteered to serve. He fought to stop a madman who was determined to spread his vile hatred of “others” across the globe.

When you start comparing Government Healthcare (a program designed to help people) with Nazism (Vile Hatred that slaughtered millions of innocents) you demean the legacy of all those brave men and women who fought against it.

My grandfather didn’t die trying stop people from having access to healthcare, he died keeping the world safe from the mindless hatred of a madman that committed genocide of anyone that didn’t think like him.

Implying something else demeans his legacy and the legacy of all those that fought and died trying to stop him.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

The Catspiracy

Since exposing Tigger’s evil plan to take over the world, I have found another example of Cats turning humans into their slaves.

I have discovered that a cat that goes by the evil name of Molly is forcing a human to work at making her knitted blankets in her Cat owned sweatshop.

In this sweatshop disguised as a lovely home, Molly makes her human toil to produce some really nice and skillful knitted blankets and potholders. Which Molly uses for her nefarious plan to have a comfy place to sleep.

When will this tyranny end?

Monday, August 17, 2009

Killing Grandma while eating fetuses with Hitler

Is there any group out there that the Republican’s aren’t trying to offend?

The wild accusations are crazy, letting an individual have the power over end of life care decisions is turned into Government wants to kill Grandma. That really shows you care about Grandma don’t let her be in control of important decisions about her life.

Holocaust Deniers are comparing Obama to Hitler. A great way to honor the vets who fought against tyranny, claim they fought and died so that people could be denied healthcare.

Anti-Vaxers are upping their claim from the totally debunked link between Vaccines and Autism to Vaccines will contain Nano-probes so the government can track all citizens movements. Great way to gain sympathy, try to block access so babies will die horrible deaths from easily treatable diseases.

The birthers, people who claim that Obama isn’t a citizen, are against the treatment for mental illness. Fill in your own joke.

Its easy to understand their fear, the main thing Obama is shooting for is more individual options in healthcare choices for them having to make their own decisions means putting those decisions in the hands of the most stupid and incompetent person they know, themselves.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Tigger’s Evil Minions are sending out cute cards now.

In a new phase in Tigger’s evil plan to take over the world by having cute and cuddly cats invade our homes, I have found out the cats are now sending out cute little cards to soften peoples resistance to them:

Photo Courtesy of Dustypenny.

It’s obvious that the cats are using these cute cards to get humans used to smiling at cute things, weakening people’s defenses for when the evil cats launch their cute offensive.

In this weakened state people will be powerless to avoid giving the cats great big hugs. The horror.

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Update on the Evil Cat Plot to Rule the World.

In my ongoing investigation on Tigger’s plan to take over the world I came across a startling photo from Italy:

Pod Cats.

Picture from Adventures in Catnip.

It appears that the Cats are using the same the same technique as the podpeople did in “Invasion of The Body Snatchers”.

This new development means Cats are well on their way to take over the world.

The only known means of incapacitating these “Pod Cats” is to scratch their chins. The tortured sounds they make that sound like, “Purr” will tell you if they are incapacitated.

Friday, August 14, 2009

Palin’s “Death Panel” will be run by Alaskan Bloggers

Sarah Palin has taken a break from sending Alaskan Bloggers threatening legal letters, to post about the government run “Death Panel” that her delusional paranoid fantasies have conjured up.

To those who like following the antics of the deranged lunatic who seems to be running for the position of Supreme Court Jester the question has become what can she do to top this?

The answer is obvious: She can combine her two hatreds into one.

In her next Facebook post she can say how those evil bloggers who post her speeches verbatim and put them in their original context in order to make her look stupid are going to be assigned to the Government run “Death Panel”.

As a favor I will write her next facebook post:

It is about a hundred and fifty degrees hotter than just some months ago, than just some months from now, with fireweed blooming along the frost heaves and merciless rivers that are rushing and carving and reminding us that here, Mother Nature wins.

Just as I will win when I tell bloggers that I will not allow them to propagate defamatory material without answering to this in a court of law, because another right protected for all of us is freedom of the press, and you all have such important jobs reporting facts and informing the electorate, and exerting power to influence.

Now the Government would have my family Todd and I, and Track, Bristol, Tripp, Willow, Piper, Trig... am I forgetting anybody?… face a Government Run Death Panel run by Shannyn Moore, Gryphen, and the Mudflats.

Remember I promised to steadfastly and doggedly guard the interests of this great state like that grizzly guards her cubs, as a mother naturally guards her own.

This speech is sure to have her supporters confirm that the “Death Panel” will be run by these three by pointing out that:

A) Calls to the wrong school show Gryphen never worked there.

B) Gryphen changed his phone number after it was published on a pro-Palin website.

C) Palin gave up her lawsuit against Shannyn Moore after Moore said she would fight back, a clear win for Palin in her mind.

With evidence like that how can anyone dispute that those three will be on the Government run “Death Panel”?

How to protect your family from the Evil Henchcats

In yesterday’s Post I offered some suggestions on how to foil the evil cat army that is being lead by Tigger in her quest to rule the world.

But what if a cat spy has already invaded your home? You must neutralize this threat.

I’ve come up with a way to incapacitate cat spies during the winter months.

Take 2 space heaters and put them at right angles. Then put down a heated pet bed in the triangle formed by the heaters.

When the cat spy steps in this trap they will be unable to do anything but curl up in ball.

Of course they will object by making a frustrated sound that sounds like, “Purr”.

When they finally break out of the trap to eat or go to the litter box they will forget about how the device traps them and they will soon be back to it, trapped again.

This picture shows a cat spy caught in this trap:

By trapping Tigger’s evil minions we can thwart her evil plans.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Evil Minions Are After Me

Since I discovered the secret plot for cats to take over the world and Identified their leader. A calico who goes by the evil name of Tigger.

Tigger’s evil minions have been dispatched to surround my house, or at least the backyard.

Here is a picture of them spying on me.
Cat Spies:

Identifying photos of the cat mob.

Evil Henchcat 1:

Evil Henchcat 2:

Evil Henchcat 3:

I tried to ward them off by putting out Tuna and Milk, but even that would not get rid of them. And my plan to dissuade them by rubbing their ears and petting them was just met with an evil laugh that sounded like, “Purrrr”.

All because I know of their evil plan to rule the world and delegate everything that doesn’t involve eating, napping, being petted, and playing to have humans carry out.

What the evil cat leader Tigger doesn’t know is Project Savior is not the only sight that has found out about this evil plan.

I can has cheeseburger has been spying on the cat army for years now. Here are some shocking pictures that they have taken documenting the cat’s goals.

Cats ultimate goal:
funny pictures of cats with captions
see more Lolcats and funny pictures

And their training:
Ninja Training
funny pictures of cats with captions
see more Lolcats and funny pictures

And how they stalk anyone who might find out about their plans:
funny pictures of cats with captions
see more Lolcats and funny pictures

We must act now before cats take over the world.

Some things you can do to protect yourself.

Cats get disorientated when you rub their ears. By rubbing their ears you can incapacitate them hours (Of course that means you can’t do anything for hours either).

Soft fluffy pillows, especially under a sunny window will render them unable to move for hours.

Feeding them Tuna and Milk seems to preoccupy them for several minutes.

I know these are extreme measures but they must be done to protect your family.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Help, Cats are taking over the Internets

This little kitty left a message the other day, pretending to be human.
After a lot of detective work (clicking on the link in the message). I found out it the site was made by a cat.
Too Cute Too Live

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

The GOP’s 5 stages of Grief

It’s easy to pick on the teabaggers.

That’s not the start of a joke, just a statement of fact.

Looking at the crowds of people who are protesting their own self-interest, what they are saying makes no sense.

The people who got a real tax break are protesting taxes.

Medicaid beneficiaries are protesting Government Run Healthcare.

A guy who got in a fight while protesting healthcare options, has to beg for money because he has no healthcare.

And of course the Birthers.

An intellectually lazy person that is unwilling or unable to give up their preconceived notions could call these people “Stupid” Like this:

Teabaggers real Fear

The Truthiness is out There

Squirrels have a liberal bias

Clarifying Stupid

Against Stupidity the Gods themselves Struggle in Vain

Watching these Conservatives is like watching Wheelchair Basketball, for the first ten minutes it’s the funniest thing in the world until it dawns on you that these are people who are suffering that are trying to regain a sense of normality. After realizing that you kind of feel like an asshole for picking on them.

It’s the same thing with the Conservatives, sure they are funny to watch then you realize what is driving them and it’s not quite as funny.

Conservatives (by definition) don’t want change. Underneath the offensive language they believe that things are good enough now so change will probably make it worse.

So what happens when change is needed because our present course is leading to total destruction? They see the end of the old world and react like they would to the death of a loved one and go through the 5 stages of grief.

Stage 1: Denial

“Denial is usually only a temporary defense for the individual. This feeling is generally replaced with heightened awareness of situations and individuals that will be left behind after death.”

The Birthers are the best example of this, the total refusal to believe that America elected someone who wanted change. (The racism that comes up is just another aspect of the denial, some members of the birthers would rather be considered racist than face the fact that change is necessary).

Other examples are the Conservatives that believe George W. Bush was too liberal, or that the New Deal extended the Great Depression.

The evidence of Peak Oil and the collapse of our Debt Driven Economic Structure is too much for them to deal with so they simply try to ignore those facts.

Going through this stage doesn’t mean they are mentally deficient in any way, it just means they are human.

Stage 2: Anger

“Once in the second stage, the individual recognizes that denial cannot continue. Because of anger, the person is very difficult to care for due to misplaced feelings of rage and envy. Any individual that symbolizes life or energy is subject to projected resentment and jealousy.”

This is the stage that the Teabaggers and the Healthcare Reform Protesters are going through now. Looking on from the outside it’s hard to fathom what was going on in the mind of the guy who was angry because he lost his healthcare benefits so he got in a fight protesting healthcare options. This is like the dying patient that lashes out against their nurse, or the loved one who gets angry at the doctor treating the patient.

The teabaggers aren’t really angry at getting a tax cut, the people who lost their healthcare aren’t mad at the Senators who are trying to get them more options. They are mad at the people who are embracing change and look on this crisis to build something better. They are mad at the people who look to a better tomorrow without fear, as they can’t get rid of that fear themselves.

Stage 3: Bargaining

The third stage involves the hope that the individual can somehow postpone or delay death. Usually, the negotiation for an extended life is made with a higher power in exchange for a reformed lifestyle. Psychologically, the person is saying, "I understand I will die, but if I could just have more time..."

People are wondering how Sarah Palin could in the course of a few days could go from unfounded anger, talking about “Death Panels” and killing babies, to calling for civility. I am hoping she has entered the Bargaining stage of grief.

She might be the start of Conservatives saying, “Hey, I understand the world has to change, but if we can just go a little slower…”

Stage 4: Depression

During the fourth stage, the dying person begins to understand the certainty of death. Because of this, the individual may become silent, refuse visitors and spend much of the time crying and grieving. This process allows the dying person to disconnect themselves from things of love and affection. It is not recommended to attempt to cheer an individual up that is in this stage. It is an important time for grieving that must be processed.

Kramer’s ratings are slipping, conservative investors are throwing in the towel. Soon Fox’s ratings will plummet as conservatives give up hope that they can stand in the way of progress.

This will unfortunately be a dangerous time for America, as during this period of depression we will effectively have a one-party system, as the conservatives will completely withdraw from politics.

It will be up to the progressives to police themselves, and political parties have shown they are lousy at that.

Stage 5: Acceptance

This final stage comes with peace and understanding of the death that is approaching. Generally, the person in the fifth stage will want to be left alone. Additionally, feelings and physical pain may be non-existent. This stage has also been described as the end of the dying struggle.

When conservatives reach this stage they will accept the old world is gone and throw out the things that aren’t working.

“Drill, Baby, Drill” will turn into discussions of large “Wind Farms” vs. “Personal Solar Panels”. “No to Socialized Healthcare” will turn to what is a basic healthcare right to be covered by the Government, and what is a luxury covered by insurance. The anti-intellectual movement will move from “A war on Science” to trying to determine the point of diminishing returns of science investment.

In a few years Conservatives will forget they were ever against Alternative Fuels, Healthcare Reform, and Science and embrace these things that they are attacking now and defend them against any change.

Recognizing that the teabaggers and healthcare protesters aren’t idiots, just people going through the stages of grief, it would take a real big asshole to pick on them.

For regular readers of my posts I want to reassure you, if you hadn’t guessed by now, I am a real asshole and I will continue to pick on them.

Monday, August 10, 2009

The Teabaggers real fear

Paula Abdul Appointed to Obama Death Panel. The latest rightwing rumor.

Many are worried that the right-wing appeals to idiots is running out things to make up to try and scare people with. Sarah Palin’s attempt to link counseling on living wills to “Death Panels” would seem to be the bottom of the barrel, but I’m sure the Republicans can dip farther into the crazy bucket.

They have already tapped the Anti-Vaxers telling them the Government plan would mean forced Vaccinations (It doesn’t but it should), and the people who don’t get irony by telling them it would mean a government take-over of Medicaid, Medicare, and the National Institute of Health (You know the guys who do the drug research). Why not take it farther.

Bobby Jindal could tell everyone that under the government plan exorcisms wouldn’t be considered a medical treatment (oops that one is true).

How about appealing to the homeless crazies by saying the government plan will outlaw tinfoil hats, that should get their base riled up.

Maybe Sarah could repeat the line she used about how the Federal Government will spend money on research to find cures instead of treating people. Because everyone (at least her followers) knows that we can’t have science in medicine.

She could tie the two things she is against together, government provided rape kits and allowing the elderly to go to the emergency room and say how the government plan would allow police to gather evidence against rapists, and not allow the elderly to die while waiting for simple procedures (oops that one is true as well).

Maybe they can roll everything together and go for the sum of the fears that frighten their base.

The Ultimate Republican Fear

Government Healthcare will turn people gay, if you ask how you are picking on them for being Christians (even though there are many gay Christians), this will lead to homosexuals breeding out the Nordic bloodlines (‘cause them homosexuals breed like bunnies), since only white people can be Protestants this will incur the Protestant God’s anger.

He will lash out against the US by causing the Large Hadron Supercollider to spew out mini-black holes that will destroy American cities in the south as judgment on their sinful ways.

This will lead to mass immigration of non-English speaking people to our country and history shows that America can’t survive waves of immigration.

This immigration will allow al-Qaida to acquire suitcase nukes that weigh 5lbs and can’t be detected by simple Geiger Counters (these only exist in TV series 24, but al-Qaida is relentless in seeking fictional weapons) that they will deploy against the US for its insult to the Protestant God.

This would cause the France to make a new World Currency making the US dollar worthless.

This makes China repossess all our oil drilling rigs so we can no longer tap the totally infinite amounts of oil under US soil and we have to turn to drilling for geothermal power, which will cause massive earthquakes because God does not like people using alternative energy sources.

The earthquakes lead to massive media piracy making content generators to ask their fans to support them through advertising or direct donations cutting RIAA out of their fair share of $23.85 out of every $24 CD. Without Sony and EMI controlling the music industry American culture can’t dominate the world and Japanese and European companies will control culture.

With people living longer under a government run system, social security will run out of money and gangs of Elderly Citizens (Gray Panthers) will roam the streets attacking the young and fit members of society for money.

In order to appease these Gray Panthers the government will start printing money leading to hyperinflation and it will take a wheel barrel of cash to buy a loaf of bread.

Finally the combination of all these things will make Americans turn away from watching TV and will go out and talk to their friends and neighbors and realize that they don’t have to live locked up inside their homes afraid of the outside world and let corporations to take away their civil liberties one by one.

And having citizens that aren’t afraid is the Republicans ultimate fear.

Friday, August 7, 2009

The Truthiness is Out There.

Truthiness: things that a person claims to know intuitively or "from the gut" without regard to evidence, logic, intellectual examination, or facts. - Stephen Colbert.

The other day at work a news story came on and a non-political co-worker had to ask me, “Have the Republicans gone insane?”

I could only nod in agreement.

With the birthers interrupting town hall meetings, saying “Obama wants to kill your Grandma”, making death threats to congressmen who support healthcare reform, Senator Cornyn (R-TX) equating the Whitehouse wanting to know what crazy rumors are circulating about healthcare, with Nazis and communists, Members of the Texas School Board pushing Intelligent Design as a science, and Tom Tancredo (R-Co) saying vaccines cause Autism; it seems like they have.

But the Republicans are merely searching for Truthiness. Evidence and facts have bombarded them recently. The meltdown of our financial system would indicate that Wall Street Bankers don’t have the people’s best interest at heart.

Millionaires complaining about the high cost of healthcare, even when they have “good” insurance, makes it sound like the for-profit medical-insurance system doesn’t serve the greater good.

When a “socialist” stimulus package like “cash for clunkers” can save more oil immediately than “drill, baby, drill” would produce after 10 years, while saving thousands of jobs; the facts would indicate that green jobs can help the economy.

When every Friday we hear of more banks closing while the top bankers give out bonuses larger than their profits, a rational person would think that the strategy of rewarding failure isn’t workable.

Luckily the Birthers, Intelligent Design Supporters, Tea-baggers, Anti-Vaxers, and Climate Change Deniers don’t let little things like facts, evidence, logic, or intellectual examination change their minds.

They know in their guts that the truthiness is out there, and facts, evidence and logic are just part of the greater conspiracy. Just like Fox Mulder, they just need to keep digging and eventually they will find “The Cigarette Smoking Man” who has planted all these pesky facts and evidence.

In order to help them out, as a Public Service Project Savior will reveal the identity of this mysterious “Smoking Man”

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Squirrels have a Liberal Bais

Of all the stupid I’ve talked about on this site, Intelligent Design has to be right up there as far as the top in stupid ideas.

Intelligent Design is merely Biblical Creationism with a few scientific terms misapplied to give it the look of a scientific theory. It’s like how that guy in college will throw out big words with no idea what they mean and wonders why everyone laughs at him.

There is no real theory behind Intelligent Design they only attack what they see as weaknesses in Evolution. Their favorite example is irreducible complexity, saying something is so complex it can’t be reached in smaller stages.

The argument goes like this:

What is the use of a half-wing (like on a flying squirrel)? Since only having half a wing wouldn’t benefit a creature (like how the flying squirrel gets no benefit from being able to travel from tree to tree and avoiding predators) there must be an intelligent hand guiding the process so that birds are able to fly.

If the theory of evolution were true we would see animals (like the flying squirrel) that are in some intermediate stage of evolution and have carved out a niche for themselves at a level between walking and flying (like the flying squirrel).

What about the flying squirrel? Squirrels are hippies, have a well-known liberal bias and are part of the Evil Atheist Conspiracy, so who would believe them.

Monday, August 3, 2009

I don’t make the Lies, I just make fun of them.

Image Stolen from LeftBanker

“On former Sen. Fred Thompson’s radio show, former lieutenant governor of New York Betsy McCaughey said that the House’s proposed health care bill contained a provision that would institute mandatory counseling sessions telling seniors how "to do what’s in society’s best interest … and cut your life short." House Minority Leader John Boehner made a slightly more measured statement, warning that the same provision "may start us down a treacherous path toward government-encouraged euthanasia if enacted into law."

I guess Republicans think President Obama is going go around and tell every senior citizen to drop dead of something.

What the bill really says is that doctors will be paid if they help people make living wills, and for an effective living will to work it takes a Doctor to help; even a lawyer who specializes in medical issues would have a hard time making a living will that accurately expresses a persons wishes over when to end their life.

Living wills are tough things, You have to decide when you personally feel life isn’t worth living.

If you are a devote Catholic that’s easy. Use any and all measures to keep blood moving in your body even if it only prolongs your life by a few seconds or else you’ve committed a sin.

For the rest of us, and this includes most Catholics, it’s not so easy. When you want someone to stop taking extreme measures to save your life is a deeply individual choice.

For instance I’ve stated that I don’t want to be a drooling vegetable. That will help the doctors somewhat but not completely, What if I’m in coma and have a small chance of recovery? How long should I be artificially kept alive, what percentage of chance of recovery should I set as the cutoff for the doctors to stop trying?

These are things that can only be determined by meeting with a doctor beforehand to let the doctors know after I can’t say anything what my wishes are.

The funny thing this part of the bill is designed to make this very individual decision, something between you and your doctor and keep the government out that decision. Something that these same people are claiming Healthcare reform will limit.


Another funny objection to Healthcare Reform I’ve heard (This isn’t a lie, just a statement from ignorance) is:

“Why if I’m making $250,000 a year should I care if 50 million don’t have health insurance?”

Speaking as someone who used to make that I can tell you why, and do it parroting Brad Pitt’s speech in “Fight Club.”

“We (uninsured people) are the people who cook your food when you go out, we hand you your change when you buy something, we are the independent contractors you hire like the stripper at your private meetings, we are the hooker (sorry escort) that your wife hires as a birthday gift, we are the people who clean your Jacuzzis, we people you come in contact with everyday.

“If you allow us to become breeding grounds for disease, no amount of money will shield you from it. Diseases don’t care how big your bank account is or what type of car you drive. To them one host is as good as another and if you let them spread, they will seek you out.

“In other words: Don’t Fuck with us!”

I think that answers the question.

Saturday, August 1, 2009

Somebody I missed, or no fun at funerals.

I have to thank Teresa over at teresamerica for pointing out a really stupid group I’ve forgotten to make fun of.

No, Not them. Fred Phelp’s group is so idiotic that any attempt to make fun of them would give them more credit than they deserve.

Nope, it’s the conservatives that troll the Internet and say that somehow this group is a bunch of liberals.

Now I do understand how conservatives would want to distance themselves from Phelps even those that believe 9/11 and Katrina were God’s punishment for Gays and Short Skirts, have to look at Phelps and say, “Dude, you’re an idiot.”

But trying to pin that group onto liberals takes a feat of mental contortion that I can’t even begin fathom.

If you want to do some strange mental contortions try equating Kittens to Hitler:

Thanks “Cats That Look Like Hitler” for that image.

Or, try to imply that Hollywood is against guns.

I wonder you would try to imply that?

At least then we can see that the alternate reality you live in intersects the real world at some small point and is merely a tangent existence to our own, that could possibly be calculated using differential geometry in n-dimensional Euclidian space.

But trying to pin Fred Phelps to liberals puts your reality somewhere out there that is beyond the edge of the observable universe.