Alien Anal Probes and Beer Battered Deep-fried Pinkie Toes.

And other things that piss me off.

1) Ray Liotta movies, Those are a lot worse than Alien Anal Probes, and you feel dirtier after.

2) The movie “Unbreakable”, It was so bad I wish Ray Liotta was in it.

3) Michael Bay movies, He is nowhere near as good a script-writer as Ed Wood, and doesn’t have the redeeming qualities of a Lippert film.

4) Ewe Boll movies, I fear his upcoming release of “Pong”.

5) Earwigs and Japanese Beetles. Goes without saying.

6) Ford Expedition owners with “No War for Oil” bumper stickers.

7) Churches that offer to “Save your Soul” and refuse to take my shoes that need repair.

8) Grammatical Errors, my own of course. For others I just ask that I can understand their meaning.

9) Fast Food places that offer to Super Size your mini-burger.

10) Editors that take 3 months to refuse my stories.

11) Luxemburg.

12) The fact the Aliens never call.

13) The Network executives that cancelled “Jericho”.

14) The fact that Michael Bay gets to continue making movies.

15) Kids. Why do they feel it necessary to scream out in the grocery store that my wife is feeling up their mom? If she doesn’t mind why should they?

16) Tara Ried’s performance in “Alone in the Dark”. I understand that you’ve got to get pretty plowed to star in a Ewe Boll movie, but the providence of “New Found Land”?

17) The Illuminatti agents that conspire against me. They’re naughty.

18) Bears.

19) Illegal Fluff Sniffers.

20) People who make lists of things that annoy them.