Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Project Savior's Dating Advice: Part 1 Preparation

Rule #1: Always listen to others when deciding in what qualities you want in a potential date. Just because you’re a guy who joined the Dungeons and Dragons Club because you think the guys in the club are cute doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try to score the Cheerleader.

Rule #2: Chicks love the smell of guys after they work out, if you don’t like to work up a sweat, just do it once then stop showering. The scent will stay with you.

Rule #3: Chicks dig the outdoorsy type, make sure to dig in the dirt a lot, make sure not to wash your hands after so they know you’re an outdoorsy type. And no matter what make sure never to trim or clean under your nails.

Rule #4: You need to prove your vitality, so masturbate often (in public when possible). Again, avoid showering after.

Rule #5: Chicks love the rebel, so make sure not follow clothing advise from the fashionistas mix stripes and plaids, wear black socks with sandals and white socks with docksiders. If in doubt wear one white sock and one black sock.

Rule #6: Never let them see your nervous, so make sure to smoke plenty of weed before going out in public. Chicks dig it when you seem aloof, with weed you’ll seem oblivious to everything including oncoming traffic.

Rule #7: Chicks love tough guys, so make sure to always look like you’ve just been in a fight. Wear plenty of Band-Aids, put some mayo under them so it looks like they are oozing pus.

Rule #8: Chicks love accents like Sylvester Stalone and Arnold Swartzanigger. So practice speaking like them. Nothing says gentle giant like gibberish.

Rule #9: Gene Simmons and Elvis bagged a lot of chicks, what do they have in common? sequin costumes. Make sure to cover all your clothing with plenty of sequins.

Rule #10: Pay close attention to your hair, it is tough to get your hairstyle just right so once you get it perfect, layer it in hairspray and never wash it again.

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