Sunday, January 11, 2009

Using Cannibalism to stretch your food budget.



Millions of Americans are out of work and having to turn to food stamps to survive. Unfortunately, the amount of money people are given for food under the food stamp program is only enough to let them survive for a short period of time.

At $5 day, $1.66 per meal, food choices are very limited. Even the most frugal shoppers can’t make nutritionally balanced meals with adequate amounts of carbs, fats, proteins, and fruits and vegetables.

The highest priced parts of a balanced meal are the proteins (anything that has a mommy and daddy) and fruits.

If you happen to live in a subtropical zone, Florida and Hawaii and the lower parts of the gulf coast states, then finding fruits to supplement your diet should be relatively easy. For the rest of Americans there is really no choice but to buy your fruits, so finding a way to supplement the proteins in order to balance out a diet is essential.

Farmers tend to look down on rustlers, often through the sights of a loaded gun. So driving out and grabbing a neighbors cow is probably very risky. Stray animals tend to carry diseases that infect humans. So that leaves one easy source of protein, humans.

Who to invite for dinner.

Unless you are stranded in the Andes with a soccer team, avoid humans that are already dead. If you are lucky enough to be stranded in sub-zero temperatures with a group of athletes in prime physical condition, dead people are fine to eat. But if you have to select from a stock that is not in the top 2% of the population as far as prime physical conditions, in an environment that is above zero, then eating pre-dead bodies can have some serious health risks.

When the body dies the immune system stops working, so diseases run rampant, growing like mad. Eating the infected flesh can easily pass on most of these diseases.
Your best option is to hunt down your own humans and start the butchering and preserving process immediately after the kill.

Although it would be easiest to go after the weakest people you can find, this is actually a bad idea as they are more likely to have weakened immune systems. If possible you will to get high school and college athletes, ones who have a high level of lean muscle and low fat content.

Not only are the less likely to have contagious diseases, but the cooking process will be easier.

A serious health risk to watch out for is prion diseases, like mad cow and Alzheimer, these diseases are believed to be caused by “folded proteins” and can be passed on even if the meat is completely cooked.

In order to avoid exposure to this interview your potential dinner thoroughly, if possible. Be sure to look for any signs of memory loss, loss of language skills, or loss of any other mental abilities. It would be best if you interview them several times over the course of a few months to get a good baseline to compare their performance.

Also, look out for any signs of motor skill impairment, as this could be a sign of a number of prion diseases or muscle diseases.

Preserving the Human.

After selecting the perfect person to have for dinner and killing them, you must quickly take steps to preserve them. Obviously you want a clean environment to slice them up in but it is important to take a few extra steps.

Make sure that they bleed out. If humans are not properly bled out, the blood stores in the muscles, which will not allow them to reach the proper level of acidity and will allow diseases to spread.

If you do not have access to a deep freeze unit (one that gets below zero degrees Fahrenheit) and are not stranded in the Andes mountains. Then it is best to cook the meat immediately after the guy has bled out, this will limit the amount of diseases that can be passed on.

How to cook Humans.

Cooking human meat is slightly different then other meats. You will want to make sure it is completely cooked with its center staying between 121 to 140 degrees for at least 7 minutes. Even if you enjoy a rare steak, it is not recommended to eat Bob tartar as the chance of disease from raw human is too great.


Hopefully this post has shown that with a little ingenuity and planning, it is possible for someone to survive and have a balanced diet on food stamps. As for the prey that is what is known as the trickle down theory.

1 comment:

Tricia said...

I have had my eye on one specific human? Looks very tender. How would I go about killing? I am a cute kitty, they would not suspect anything. My size proves to be difficult. Please help.

Anonymous Cat